Chloe Sexton described "daddy privilege" as the "subtle upper hand men sidestep into as parents that allows them to gain praise for simply … being a parent". Photo / news.com.au
Chloe Sexton described "daddy privilege" as the "subtle upper hand men sidestep into as parents that allows them to gain praise for simply … being a parent". Photo / news.com.au
A US woman has called out the phenomenon of "daddy privilege" after her husband was hailed a "hero" for running the errands she usually would with their 6-month-old son.
Chloe Sexton, who owns BluffCakes bakery in Memphis, Tennessee, went viral on TikTok in October when she shared a clip discussingthe public perception of her husband and other fathers.
Holding the couple's infant son Theodore, she said she often brings him along with her when running errands for her business – and people don't bat an eye.
But when her husband recently did the same, she said, he was lumped with praise by strangers.
"Mothers may not need praise, but they sure as hell deserve it," she said. Photo / news.com.au
"So I've got a fun little story for you about daddy privilege," Sexton, who posts under the username @chloebluffcakes, began.
"OK, you all know if you've been following me for a while that I'm a business owner, my husband has a job. I have a business, my husband has a job. I could not make that any clearer."
She explained that her bakery requires her to purchase large quantities of ingredients each week – something she's done when either "massively pregnant" or carrying her son with her.
"So, last week, on the day I usually do it, my husband had the day off and he decided to go do it for me, but he also had the baby that day," she said.
"When I tell you, the way that this man was treated like a hero – A HERO. Mind you, those same people see me there every single week.
"I'm strapped up with a baby or seven months' pregnant, hauling 100-pound (45kg) bags at a time of flour in the back of my Subaru. Meanwhile, I'm getting a whole lotta … NOTHING TO SEE HERE. Just a woman doing woman things, busting her a**.
"But my husband, my husband wears the baby and he goes to Restaurant Depot for mummy's business and it's, 'Oh my God, look at you! Oh my god, you work so hard.' He said, 'Honestly, it was a little bit embarrassing.'
"Somebody walked past him and said, 'Oh my God, that's a whole-ass baby!' Yeah, it's his … He's literally not a hero. He's just a father, just a parent, doing the same sh*t I do every week."
Sexton's experience clearly resonated – with other mothers taking to the comments to share their own.
"The bar is literally on the ground for fathers. It's sad," one woman said.
"Greatness is expected of women but are somehow never appreciated," commented another.
Another mum wrote: "My husband was seen on ONE aisle alone with our twins and was praised by five people. I shop ALONE weekly and it's crickets. A**hats."
"Mum on flight alone with kids … death stares and negative comments. Dad alone on flight with kids … flight attendants falling over each other to help," added another.
Speaking to Buzzfeed on Tuesday, Sexton said: "[I'm] lucky to have a husband/life partner that is a self-proclaimed feminist and outright said, 'Honestly the way they treated me was … embarrassing.'
"Being married to man who doesn't need to be taught just how deeply unfair the treatment of men versus women in parenting roles is can be extreme relieving."
Sexton explained that "typical day-to-day as a mother and business owner" involved taking the couple's older child to school before getting ready for a day of baking while taking care of the baby. She then hands him over to childcare and heads off to work, before picking up the baby and the child from school, doing homework, cooking dinner, and putting the kids to bed while doing work admin from home.
She described "daddy privilege" as the "subtle upper hand men sidestep into as parents that allows them to gain praise for simply … being a parent". "You fed the baby? What a great dad! You held the baby while mummy bathed? So considerate of you! You picked up something for dinner? What would your family do without you?" she said.
"It's all the little ways mothers do exactly what the world expects of them without a second thought and then watch fathers get praised for simply showing up.
"Women carry equal, and in some cases, majority breadwinner weight these days and still are deemed less worthy of parental praise somehow … Every parent deserves to know that they are seen and appreciated."
Sexton added that she's not against "cheering on dads" – and said society should absolutely do it, as long as they're not forgetting the other half of the equation.
