What's the answer when letting go is too hard?

Instead of asking yourself what you want to let go of, ask yourself, "What do I want to let in right now?" Photo / Thinkstock

We are told it is healthy to "let it go".

It's healthy to let go of past hurt. Resentment. A broken heart. Pain. Anger. Grief. Being used. Being abused. Lied to. Abandoned. Betrayed. Whatever your particular flavour of hurt. "Just let it go, you will feel better," they say. And we know that is true. If we could let go of that tight ball of pain that lies so heavy in our heart, that would be awesome.

So, we want to let it go. We do. We know it will be the way forward, but how do we do it? And, what if we can't? What if we just can't find a way to let it go? The reality is that "letting go" sounds very appealing, and is easy to say, but it can be very hard to do in practice. Sometimes it's because you are just not ready yet. And that's okay.

So what's the answer when letting go is too hard? Or it's too soon?

I think it is this:

Instead of asking yourself what you want to let go of, ask yourself, "What do I want to let in right now? What would make life sweeter? More relaxed? More fun? What do I want to let in that would help me feel more connected? More valued? More loved? What could I let in that would make life easier and lift my heart, even a little? Do I want to let in more joy, more money, more time, more clutter-free surfaces in my home, more clothes that make me feel amazing, more friendships, more laughter, more lightness, honesty, love? What do I want to let in to my life?

Park up for a while on what you want to let go of and turn your focus over entirely to what you want to let in instead. Define it. Sit with it. Make a list of it. Talk about it. Move towards it. Start figuring out ways to let that stuff in. Express gratitude as it shows up. Notice and praise the little stuff that gets let in. Whoop and holler a "hell yeah" for the big and fabulous stuff you let in. Let it in and smile and keep your focus on it, on the stuff you wanted to arrive. And let it in some more, and more, and then? And then, cast your mind back to That Thing, that big ugly painful thing you were wrestling to let go of a while back. You will find while you have loosened your grip on it (by putting your energy into what you want to let in instead) - well, while you haven't been looking, that thing has gently and imperceptibly started to let go of you. It's releasing you more every single time you let more of the good stuff in.

Freedom beckons. Let it in.