NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Herald NOW
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
  • Herald NOW
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Politics
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Herald NOW
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / Lifestyle

What makes you immediately like or dislike someone?

news.com.au
31 May, 2017 07:29 AM5 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

Your brain can instantly make you like or dislike a person based on several factors. Photo / Getty

Your brain can instantly make you like or dislike a person based on several factors. Photo / Getty

Why is it that when we meet some people we are overwhelmed with a sense of dread or dislike?

Meanwhile some people trigger feelings of such positivity that we are madly in love and planning our future before we've even spoken a word.

According to news.com.au, just one look, and we know how we feel about them. And often we find out later that our instincts were spot on.

What are we picking up on?

THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Most of the time, we are aware of things going on in our conscious mind: our thoughts, ideas and worries such as, "Why did they ignore me when I said hello?". However, there is a vast amount of information processing going on in the background.

Our unconscious mind is whirring away taking everything in, constantly assessing our environment for threats to our wellbeing. What we are aware of consciously, is just the tip of the iceberg.

via GIPHY

THINSLICING

What we are doing when we make an instant judgment about someone's trustworthiness, is what psychologists call "Thinslicing". We are taking a tiny wedge of information and making a call, based on all our previous experiences of trustworthy and untrustworthy individuals.

Our unconscious mind can offer up an assessment in milliseconds. The amazing thing is, thinslicing is incredibly accurate. It is how an art expert can spot a fake Van Gogh on the spot.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

But, when we would rather run screaming than shake a stranger's hand, what is it that our unconscious mind is picking up on?

via GIPHY

INCONGRUENCE

We are incredibly good at picking up the difference between what is being said and how it is being said.

Someone who you have never met can come up and say, "I like your jacket" and all your alarm bells go off. Why? Because their tone of voice is aggressive or threatening and doesn't match what they are saying.

Our unconscious mind picks the mismatch up straight away. And, here's the thing: the tone of their voice is a more accurate reflection of their intentions. They are not actually giving you a compliment. This is due to the structure of our brain.

via GIPHY

LYING

Ex-FBI agent Joe Navarro explains in his book What Every BODY is Saying that the newer part of our brain, the neocortex, is not only responsible for thought and speech, but is the only part of the brain capable of lying.

Someone can easily say, "I'm telling you the truth", but the ancient part of their brain, the limbic system, can't lie. It will send you clear signals that they are uncomfortable with the words they are saying.

You may not consciously be aware of it, but your unconscious mind will notice that they are touching their neck or have broken out in a light sweat while they are reassuring you. These are clear signs that they are nervous or stressed. And your gut says, "I don't believe you".

via GIPHY

TRUSTING YOUR INSTINCT

It is crucially important to trust your gut instinct. Not everyone can be trusted. Not everyone has your best interests at heart.

Because you are hardwired to protect yourself, your unconscious mind will always be sending up signals, trying to warn you that there is a mismatch in what someone is saying and how they are saying it, or what their body language is doing.

Unfortunately, many times we override the warnings we are getting from our unconscious mind, and regret it later. While Hollywood movies would have us believe that hate at first sight becomes love later on, the reality is very different.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Don't accept, "Just give them a chance" or "They're great when you get to know them". Don't rate what they are saying higher than what they are doing. Err on the side of trusting your judgment and invest in people that make you feel happy and comfortable right from the start.

via GIPHY

ATTRACTING THE LOVE

Which brings us to the question of how we can be the person that makes others feel happy and comfortable? We are attracted to people that we perceive are like us, so to set someone at ease, tune into the other person's rhythms and body language.

Smile, make eye contact and ask them something about themselves. You can go as far as matching their breathing and mirroring their body language (but be subtle about this - too much is creepy). A light touch just above the elbow can effectively build closeness after you've built rapport with someone, but of course, exercise touch with caution.

While we can manipulate the way we interact with others to a certain extent, being upfront and honest and having genuinely good intentions is the failsafe way of being attractive.

via GIPHY

Dr Christine Brown is a psychologist, manager and executive coach.

Save

    Share this article

Latest from Lifestyle

Lifestyle

Smokefree Rockquest Wairarapa Regional Finals 2025 Highlights

Lifestyle

Smokefree Rockquest Northland Regional Finals 2025 Highlights

Lifestyle

Smokefree Rockquest Far North Regional Finals 2025 Highlights

Get your kids involved in your reno

sponsored
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from Lifestyle

Smokefree Rockquest Far North Regional Finals 2025 Highlights

Smokefree Rockquest Far North Regional Finals 2025 Highlights

Highlights from Far North's Smokefree Rockquest Regional Finals 2025. Video / Supplied

Smokefree Rockquest Wairarapa Regional Finals 2025 Highlights

Smokefree Rockquest Wairarapa Regional Finals 2025 Highlights

Smokefree Rockquest Northland Regional Finals 2025 Highlights

Smokefree Rockquest Northland Regional Finals 2025 Highlights

Showquest Christchurch Regional Finals 2025 Highlights

Showquest Christchurch Regional Finals 2025 Highlights

Sponsored: Why heat pumps make winter cheaper
sponsored

Sponsored: Why heat pumps make winter cheaper

NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP