Nearly half of all women surveyed said they have no interest in partnered sex.
After years of attending buttoned-up banking and investment conferences filled with suits, small talk and an air of trying to find the edgy in the mundane, I found myself stepping into a very different kind of professional gathering last month – my first sexology conference.
From the moment I arrived at the SHA 2025 Annual Sexological Conference in Denver, US, the energy was electric – and edginess was a given.
As a sex coach and educator, I found it refreshing to be surrounded by people who spoke so comfortably about desire, arousal and relationships – without a hint of embarrassment or awkwardness.
Here at home, we’re only just beginning to normalise these conversations, and even then sex chats – especially those centred around female pleasure or the more “taboo” types of sex – often happen behind closed doors or are giggled about over wine with friends.
Here’s an honest look at what goes on at a sexology conference and what I took away with me (aside from a goodie bag that was a long way from boring branded pens and notepads):
New research presented at the conference by Dr Justin Lehmiller shows the “sexual recession” is continuing, with women increasingly choosing to take a break from relationships, and nearly half of all women surveyed saying that they have no interest in partnered sex.
While this has been a global trend over recent years, the rollback of women’s rights in the US seems to be further fuelling it, where sexual activity is now seen to be posing an increased risk to women.
While many of the factors leading to the so-called sexual recession (stress, economic recession, financial insecurity, increased screen time) still persist here in New Zealand, I don’t believe that Kiwis are experiencing that “sexual recession” to the same extent.
Fortunately, we continue to make meaningful progress in advancing women’s sexual and reproductive rights – especially when compared to countries where these rights are being eroded.
It’s a powerful reminder of how far we’ve come, and why it’s essential not to take these hard-won gains for granted.
This move away from relationships and towards celibacy surprised the researchers, and is causing a headache for the dating apps, who are contending with dating app fatigue. While the convenience of online matchmaking is appealing, it’s only natural that after years of digital connection, we’re craving something more tangible.
The magic of eye contact across a busy room, spontaneous conversations with someone you’ve just met – these are the emotive factors that numerous in-person speed dating events popping up all across New Zealand are hoping to cash in on.
What’s interesting is how that shift overlaps with pleasure. When you step away from the algorithm and tune into how your body actually responds to meeting someone – to touch, laughter, attraction – connection hits differently.
A recurring theme throughout the conference was the need to rethink how we define “sex”. Traditionally, it’s been all about penetration - but that’s changing. The conversation is shifting to include a broader range of activities, many of which don’t involve penetration at all.
As someone who champions female pleasure, I’m all for it – especially when it shines a spotlight on things like clitoral stimulation, which is key for most women’s sexual satisfaction. And it’s not just a win for women; this shift also takes the pressure off men to “perform”, opening the door to more relaxed, connected experiences for everyone.
One of my favourite new terms from the conference? Instead of saying someone “lost their virginity”, the more playful - and frankly, more empowering - phrase is “making your sexual debut”. It has a certain red-carpet flair, don’t you think?
If it hadn’t already been checked at the door, all concepts of modesty and the taboo were firmly laid aside in a presentation from Dr Evan Goldstein, world-leading anal surgeon, about the ins and outs of, well, anal sex.
It’s certainly still considered somewhat taboo and not openly discussed here in New Zealand; however as shown by Pornhub’s data on most viewed and searched for types of porn, it’s becoming more popular in New Zealand, which means we need more education about it, and is why I’ve added it to my line up of monthly online educational classes.
If someone is interested in it, and wants to experiment *back there*, it’s important that they have the proper knowledge and education on how to go about it safely and pleasurably for everyone, rather than having their only “education” based on what they’ve watched in porn.
AI might already be reshaping almost every part of our lives, but when it comes to love and intimacy, most people still draw the line. A whopping 81% of people surveyed say they’re not ready to trust artificial intelligence with their love lives – though plenty are quietly experimenting with it in smaller ways.
Men, it seems, are warming up to the idea first. Some are turning to chatbots for flirting tips or advice about consent and communication. It’s not about replacing connection, but learning how to show up better for it.
Technology is powering a new wave of “smart” pleasure devices – including clinically tested toys designed to address issues like erectile dysfunction, pelvic pain and arousal or lubrication challenges. One standout was the Lioness, a smart vibrator capable of tracking arousal and orgasm patterns.
Researchers have already identified three distinct orgasm types in women – Ocean Wave, Avalanche and Volcano – each with its own rhythm and intensity (think about whether you can recognise each in your own body, from the title alone).
The Lioness isn’t yet available in New Zealand, but is nevertheless a fascinating glimpse into how technology is helping people better understand their bodies and take charge of their sexual wellbeing.
Learnings at the conference didn’t just come from the research, but the atmosphere. There was a refreshing sense of curiosity, creativity and genuine joy woven through every workshop. Instead of focusing on performance or perfection (as we can sometimes do in our sex lives), the focus was on play – to rediscover the fun in intimacy.
This might be a mindset shift here in New Zealand, where pleasure often gets tangled up with shame or self-consciousness. Many of the women I work with struggle to see sex as something playful or expressive – it’s more often seen as a task, or a test. Yet when we approach it with curiosity rather than expectation, pleasure becomes less about achieving an outcome and more about exploring what feels good, both physically and emotionally.
The conference closed with a very sexy masquerade ball – a dazzling, immersive celebration of desire and discovery. Masks on and inhibitions off, people were invited to explore the Desire Den, a curated space of guided experiences in all kinds of erotic pleasure. It was bold, beautiful and deeply respectful – and a reminder that pleasure, when approached with openness and care, can be deeply healing, empowering, and – importantly - fun.
There’s a collective blush that often comes from the audience when I talk about the Desire Den – but trust me, when we normalise pleasure, the healthier our relationships with ourselves – and with each other – will become.
Rachel Strevens is a sexologist, sex coach & educator, and founder of The Passion Project. She works with women and couples to explore their fantasies, spice up their relationship, or overcome challenges with desire, confidence and pleasure. Find out more at thepassionproject.co.nz