Having a baby is wonderful, but hard work.Photo / Thinkstock
Having a baby is wonderful, but hard work.Photo / Thinkstock
Most broody mothers see having a child as a wonderful gift, but one blogger has set about putting an end to that ideal.
A candid parent test highlighting the high and lows of motherhood is taking the internet by storm after being reposted on countless mothering blogs.
The Test ForFuture Parents by author Colin Falconer comprises 14 steps to follow before you have children and was originally printed in his book A beginners guide to fatherhood in 1992 before finding its was on to parenting blogs in the UK, most recently Mamami by Chet, who was sent the parenting test by a friend.
Chet said: "Most people will tell you that 'it' is the hardest, most rewarding, rollercoaster job you will ever have - there's no pay, you are on duty 24/7 and, at times, it seems like there are few rewards.
"Being a parent has its ups and downs. I wouldn't change my title as 'mummy' for anything in the world, however when this came through my inbox from a great friend it made me laugh (a lot!)."
Be prepared for your body to change when you are pregnant.Photo / Thinkstock
1. Put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front.
2. Leave it there.
3. After 9 months remove 5% of the beans.
Men: To prepare for children
1. Go to a local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet onto the counter and tell the pharmacist to help himself.
2. Go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home. Pick up the newspaper and read it for the last time.
Test 2: Knowledge
Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels and how they have allowed their children to run wild.
Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behaviour.
Enjoy it. It will be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.
Test 3: Nights
To discover how the nights will feel:
You won't be getting much sleep when there's a baby on board.Photo / Thinkstock
1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 4 - 6kg, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.
2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 11pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am.
1. Go to the local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a pre-school child - a fully grown goat is excellent. If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat.
2. Buy your weekly groceries without letting the goat(s) out of your sight.
3. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.
Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.
2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds and then rub them on clean walls. Cover the stains with crayon. How does that look?
4. Empty every drawer/cupboard/storage box in your house onto the floor and proceed with step 5.
5. Drag randomly items from one room to another room and leave them there.
Test 12: Long Trips with Toddlers
1. Make a recording of someone shouting "Mummy" repeatedly. Important Notes: No more than a 4 second delay between each Mummy. Include occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet.
