All Access. All in one subscription. From $2 per week
Subscribe now

All Access Weekly

From $2 per week
Pay just
$15.75
$2
per week ongoing
Subscribe now
BEST VALUE

All Access Annual

Pay just
$449
$49
per year ongoing
Subscribe now
Learn more
30
NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Herald NOW
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
  • Herald NOW
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Politics
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Herald NOW
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
    • Cooking the Books
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / Lifestyle

Vows are a-changing... at the altar or the beach

Natalie Akoorie
By Natalie Akoorie
Local Democracy Editor·NZ Herald·
4 Oct, 2012 04:30 PM4 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

Callum Dodunski and Rachael Carder are writing their own vows for their October 13 wedding. Photo / Sarah Ivey
Callum Dodunski and Rachael Carder are writing their own vows for their October 13 wedding. Photo / Sarah Ivey

Callum Dodunski and Rachael Carder are writing their own vows for their October 13 wedding. Photo / Sarah Ivey

Traditional wedding vows are being passed over in favour of modern promises with touches of humour as brides and grooms opt to pen their own pledges.

According to a survey of 1200 Australians, one in three couples at the altar refuses to vow "till death do us part", and the trend is no different in New Zealand.

Waiheke Island marriage celebrant and Presbyterian minister Ewing Stevens said 75 per cent of his clients chose to write their own vows compared with the mostly traditional, religious ceremonies he conducted when ordained 55 years ago.

Made-up vows were more meaningful as long as they weren't frivolous, he said.

"Sometimes they put in vows about things that annoy the other partner. One that was a little bit frivolous was a promise not to buy all his shirts at The Warehouse and that was quite a good one."

All Access. All in one subscription. From $2 per week
Subscribe now

All Access Weekly

From $2 per week
Pay just
$15.75
$2
per week ongoing
Subscribe now
BEST VALUE

All Access Annual

Pay just
$449
$49
per year ongoing
Subscribe now
Learn more
30
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Another time, a pilot promised not to perform another "loop the loop" with his wife in the cockpit.

During his time as a minister, Mr Stevens married up to 40 couples a year at the Western Eden Union Parish in Dunedin.

"They were probably more traditional then than they are today. Most of the weddings I take today are not in church. They're very free weddings. I do them on the beach, in parks, in private homes."

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

The 85-year-old said the change in attitudes reflected the different vows.

"The main thing is to have the vows real so they're not saying things they don't believe in."

Hamilton marriage celebrant Kay Gregory said couples still legally had to say: "I take you to be my legal husband/wife."

"But very few follow the traditional vows, which I think is quite nice because they are thinking more outside the square."

Discover more

Lifestyle

Instead of divorce, short-term marriage

01 Oct 04:30 PM
World

Honeytrap divorce stings catch men off guard

18 Oct 04:30 PM
New Zealand

Tough topics for Anglicans

25 Oct 04:30 PM

She said humour was often injected into matrimonial vows such as the bride promising to let her husband go fishing.

Betrothed put hearts on line

Rachael Carder and Callum Dodunski decided to write their own wedding vows because repeating what other people said did not appeal.

The Auckland couple, both 38, marry on October 13 at a Parnell restaurant and will surprise each other with their vows, though Miss Carder said hers were not humorous or gushy, but heartfelt.

"I just have some things I genuinely want to say to him and so I've tried to put them down. I've said I'll always be open and honest and truthful, those types of words."

The adidas supply chain manager Googled other examples of vows and said it took her an afternoon to get the words right.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

"It was nerve-racking to start with. What if his is better than mine? Or what if they ... sound really stink?"

Mr Dodunski's first wedding involved traditional vows in an Anglican church. "So for me it's quite different."

The sales manager and father of three has left humour out of his modern vows and is saving it instead for the reception speeches.

Mr Dodunski said talking about his fiancee with their marriage celebrant helped him come up with ideas.

"Being the average Kiwi male, it was a bit difficult to get that emotive response going but it was certainly very helpful to say that and outline the key points."

Promises, now and then

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Traditional Catholic wedding vow:

"I, Donald, take you, Deidre, for my lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part."

Modern vow:

"You are my best friend, my true love and 'Georgy Girl'. I promise to keep supporting the local florist forever!"

"I love you because you love to cook and you don't mind cleaning up."

Save

    Share this article

Latest from Lifestyle

World

Inside Brazil's reborn doll phenomenon and its controversial rise

28 May 07:12 PM
Premium
Lifestyle

Society Insider: Rich Lister’s milestone year; Kiwi Bondi Rescue star’s move to real estate; model and entrepreneur’s very modern family

28 May 05:00 PM
Lifestyle

'Anything could be going on': Concerns over relaxed barber rules

28 May 07:53 AM

Sponsored: Cosy up to colour all year

sponsored
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Recommended for you
How Fonterra stole the show at Bakery China
Sponsored Stories

How Fonterra stole the show at Bakery China

28 May 09:37 PM
Emmanuel Macron mocks 'shove' incident with wife in staged gesture
World

Emmanuel Macron mocks 'shove' incident with wife in staged gesture

28 May 09:22 PM
Person in critical condition after incident at Māngere bus stop
New Zealand

Person in critical condition after incident at Māngere bus stop

28 May 09:19 PM
NZ Herald comments: The stories open for discussion today
New Zealand

NZ Herald comments: The stories open for discussion today

28 May 09:17 PM
'Basketball sized rocks': SH25 closed by slips in Coromandel
Bay of Plenty Times

'Basketball sized rocks': SH25 closed by slips in Coromandel

28 May 08:57 PM

Latest from Lifestyle

Inside Brazil's reborn doll phenomenon and its controversial rise

Inside Brazil's reborn doll phenomenon and its controversial rise

28 May 07:12 PM

Gabi Matos has 22 dolls and 1.3 million YouTube followers.

Premium
Society Insider: Rich Lister’s milestone year; Kiwi Bondi Rescue star’s move to real estate; model and entrepreneur’s very modern family

Society Insider: Rich Lister’s milestone year; Kiwi Bondi Rescue star’s move to real estate; model and entrepreneur’s very modern family

28 May 05:00 PM
'Anything could be going on': Concerns over relaxed barber rules

'Anything could be going on': Concerns over relaxed barber rules

28 May 07:53 AM
Premium
Teens are sexting with AI - here’s what parents should know

Teens are sexting with AI - here’s what parents should know

28 May 06:00 AM
Sponsored: Into the woods - the new biophilic design
sponsored

Sponsored: Into the woods - the new biophilic design

NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • What the Actual
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven CarGuide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
All Access. All in one subscription. From $2 per week
Subscribe now

All Access Weekly

From $2 per week
Pay just
$15.75
$2
per week ongoing
Subscribe now
BEST VALUE

All Access Annual

Pay just
$449
$49
per year ongoing
Subscribe now
Learn more
30
TOP
search by queryly Advanced Search