I'm sitting in The Dojo next to the Basement Theatre, looking out of two large apartment windows, which are intersected by white strips to make a grid. Outside I can see two posters glued to the side of posts; one for Meremere, directed by Malia Johnston, the other for Long
View from my window: Sally Stockwell on her new show We've Got So Much to Talk About
By Joanna Mathers
Canvas·
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Sally Stockwell in We've Got So Much To Talk About.
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I have two children, Florence, 8, and Olivia, 6. When I was pregnant with Florence, I recorded my debut - only - album, Weightless. It was released when she was 6 months old. After the release I took a break professionally but I was still writing songs. My music has always reflected my world, and these explored my experience of motherhood.
At the time I was completely subsumed by this: questioning my creativity, my career, my place in the world. I was asking whether I could be 100 per cent happy within this world, whether motherhood was enough for me, and realised it wasn't. And I started reading a lot of interesting feminist works around motherhood and society's expectations of women.
I remember hearing Emily Nagoski being interviewed by Kim Hill. Her book Burnout explores the obligations that are assigned to women by the patriarchy, these stereotypical ideals – to be the perfect mother, hold on to a career – without the close-knit communities that women had in previous decades. It was amazing. There are so many contradictions–the sense of duty, ancient expectations around motherhood, ideals around career–that she explores in her book.
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Another influence during this time was psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott's concept of being a "good enough mother" (interesting that the phrase was coined by a man). This theory posits that perfection is impossible and our imperfections don't harm our children. We just need to be "good enough".
I have not been able to include all the songs I wrote during this time, but Far and Wide will feature in the show. It channels Patti Smith and it's about the feeling of really wanting to get away … "to run into the night, into the storm, into the sea" … without my children having any sense of abandonment. There's an inherent agitation that can't really be resolved.
We've Got So Much to Talk About was meant to premiere in October last year. The rehearsals were set for August and September, we went into level 4 lockdown in August.
We were living week-to-week, watching Jacinda's updates, waiting to see if we could meet for rehearsals. Our wonderful director, Julia Harvie, lives in Christchurch and we were watching the traffic lights, waiting to see if she could come up.
It was a very stressful time and I experienced a lot of brain fatigue: the permutations of rehearsing and arranging a show during Covid-19 were extremely complex. Everybody is so thankful to be doing this after so many months without work, but it's still difficult. Julia's children got Covid before the rehearsals were due to start, and she had to work remotely, but we are nearly there.
Interestingly, the year's hiatus has been a blessing. I have been able to work on more music, and the work has matured. It's so nice to feel that there is a silver lining in this.
As told to Joanna Mathers
We've Got So Much To Talk About is at Basement Theatre from August 16-20.
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