By EWEN MCDONALD
***
Running time: 113 mins
In stores: Now
Everyone gets their 15 minutes of fame in Woody Allen's latest movie. Wrapped around a storyline featuring Kenneth Branagh as ... well, Woody Allen, there are cameos from Leo DiCaprio, Melanie Griffith, Donald Trump, Winona Ryder, Charlize Theron, Gretchen Mol, to
name but a lot. In other words, a lot of famous people appear on screen, perform in the sketch Woody has dreamed up for them and disappear.
Branagh plays Lee Simon, a 35-ish celebrity journalist with an antique Aston Martin that he believes can help him pick up women. As the movie opens, he's interviewing a movie star (Griffith), who takes him to her childhood home and seduces him in her old bedroom. Simon's response is to pitch his screenplay to her.
Trump buys New York's famous St Patrick's Cathedral as a do-up. DiCaprio is a spoiled young movie brat (hmmm ... ) who beats up his girlfriend (Mol), trashes his hotel room and offers Simon a leftover groupie. Theron plays a model who tells the writer she has orgasms when touched on any part of her body.
Throughout Simon is haunted by a young woman (Ryder), who likes him. But for the gadfly, nothing is real, nothing touches him. Which is, ultimately, the weakness of Celebrity. It may not be Woody's best work, which is why it went straight to video here but, hey, his second-best is still pretty good.
