Scheduling sex may sound like the place passion filled nights with your partner go to die, but I promise you, it’s quite the contrary.
When I first heard the theory I almost rolled my eyes at the absolute vanilla-ness of it all. Imagine sitting down with your partner, pullingup your Google calendar and figuring out which time works best for you guys to bang the bedroom bongos.
It sounds like an absolute moment killer.
But then I looked into it and after some research, I’ve been converted. Scheduling sex could be the spice that you’ve been looking for to sprinkle all over your bedroom antics.
The thing that anyone in a long-term relationship knows all too well is how easy it is to have that “oh my god, we haven’t had sex in almost a month moment”. It’s not like you want it to happen but life is hectic and between work, your social life, kids and family it’s almost impossible to get five minutes to yourself let alone five minutes with just your partner.
So, in light of the new year and all the resolutions that come with such an occasion, it’s time to pick up your phone, seek out a free half hour - or hour, or two or three depending on your preference, and lock it in with your lover.
Why? Well, aside from the obvious endorphins that are intended to come out of it, it’s also a great way to make sure you and your partner are getting the much-needed one-on-one time that is required in any loving relationship.
But that’s only one of the positives of locking in those lusty moments.
Scheduling sex has many benefits.
By making sure you two have a bit of alone time planned out in the near future, you’re giving yourselves something to look forward to. You are subconsciously building anticipation and excitement for the bedroom tango before it even begins.
Think of it like going back to the beginning of your relationship.
Remember when you just started dating and you’d go a day or two without seeing each other? Those hours apart were full of overwhelming anticipation. Daydreams about what would happen when you’d see each other again, the conversations you’d have, the secret moments you’d share.
They are part of the reason you’re together today and wouldn’t it be great to momentarily time travel back to the innocence of your love before it started to fill up with well, life and routine?
Another reason scheduling sex can benefit your relationship is if you and your partner both have insanely busy schedules - or you’re a ‘Type A’ kind of person who thrives on structure and a day planned right down to the minute.
For busy couples, conflict can arise when you both jump into bed at the end of the night and one of you is ready for a rendezvous while the other would prefer to put their head down and get a much-needed eight hours of sleep.
But if you give intimacy a place on your calendar - which of course you’ll still need consent for on the day - you’ll avoid the will-we-won’t-we tango that can sometimes result in hurt feelings or feelings of rejection. Instead, you’ll both be on the same page about those special moments with each other.
Finally, having a designated sex slot in your calendar is perfect for couples wanting to try new things. Instead of springing something you or your partner want to try with each other, you can discuss, research and lay down any boundaries you may need so that you’re both comfortable.
And even though scheduling sex has its many benefits, it doesn’t mean you have to only have scheduled sex. Keep the spontaneity alive by acting on impulse - with consent.
