Ureroa plays host to Kevin Smith's 'Love Mussel'

By KATHERINE HOBY

Q: Have you seen Kevin Smith's love muscle?

A: You mean there's someone in New Zealand who hasn't?

Smith has heard all the jokes that go with his new show, Love Mussel. In fact, he might just be the author of many of them.

The Kiwi actor is the star of an hour-long drama, Love Mussel, set in a small New Zealand town, Ureroa.

Love Mussel is shot as if a documentary presented by Smith, and blurs the line between reality and fiction.

"We tried to do it as straight as possible but then put the seed of doubt in the viewer's brain as to how real it is," he says.

"When they see me being the earnest journalist boy they start to wonder, 'Is this kosher?"'

Ureroa is the only place in New Zealand where the geoduck (a real shellfish, grown in British Columbia, and pronounced gooey duck) can be found.

The strange clams, which have a long phallic syphon, have been discovered to be an aphrodisiac.

A couple of locals, Bob and Noeline, have the quota for the shellfish. It looks like a happy ending for the pair, and the town.

Television celebrity Kevin Smith is hired to front a feelgood documentary about Ureroa, and it looks like it will finally be put on the map.

But the quota for geoduck falls into question, and Smith makes the mistake of sampling the shellfish while watching former Prime Minister Jenny Shipley on television.As a result, any meeting with her is destined to be intensely embarrassing.

Meanwhile, the locals are embroiled in a bitter fight over the rights to the geoduck.

The idea had been kicking around for a while, Smith says. Director Michael Hurst approached him about it.

"He told me, 'Kev, we really need a B-grade celebrity for this'," he says, laughing. "And I said, 'Oh, thanks,' but accepted pretty much straight away."

Smith says it was very strange playing a part that was effectively him.

"Michael [Hurst] told me that your perception of yourself is never quite what you are. We'd be filming and people would say, 'Yeah, that's a very Kevin Smith thing to do.' And I'd say, 'Ooh, is that my thing?'

"It was very surreal. I mean me playing me is not the same as me being me."

He admits Love Mussel might offend viewers, especially some small-town New Zealanders.

"Let's face it, small-town New Zealand is rich enough for a two-hour movie. We could have trodden more carefully but if you do that it ceases to be comedy. You have to keep it real," he says.

"I'd be a bit surprised if someone didn't take umbrage at it."

The three-week filming was a blast, he says, though cramming a camera crew into a VW in sweltering heat was a bit of a test.

Smith says it was great to have such an original form of television to play around with.

"I'm always up for a challenge. I still feel like the angry young man, but apparently I have somehow become the creaking flagship of the establishment so a challenge is always welcome."

As for the geoduck, Smith says New Zealand television viewers are bound to delight in the phallic shellfish.

"We're all obsessed with tits and bums, so I'm sure it'll be a hit."

* Love Mussel, TV3, 8.30 tonight