NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Herald NOW
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
  • Herald NOW
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Politics
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Herald NOW
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / Lifestyle

Unleashed: The secret world of Britain's dominatrixes

Independent
20 Nov, 2011 10:32 PM6 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

The desire to be whipped into submission has arguably moved from seedy to high street. Photo / Thinkstock

The desire to be whipped into submission has arguably moved from seedy to high street. Photo / Thinkstock

It's been described as England's dirty secret, and was once the gleeful preserve of the most outré outings by tabloid newspapers: the visiting of a dominatrix. But the desire to be whipped into submission has arguably moved from seedy to high street, with an Ann Summers on every corner, "dominatrix chic" fashion editorials and pop hits such as Rihanna's "S&M" offering a bubblegum take on bondage.

Kate Peters spent a couple of years photographing real dominatrixes, during which she began to realise how very common it is: "I would end up going a mile down the street, to a house with a converted dungeon in it."

While not tempted herself, Peters has a broadly positive view on the BDSM (bondage, discipline, submission and masochism) scene.

"At one event, I put a drink down on a table and then realised it was a cage with a man inside. But the people all seemed comfortable - so it's like, 'Why not?'

"I actually thought it was nicer than going to a normal nightclub."

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

So what exactly is a dominatrix? The women in Peters' portraits are professionals: they dominate a client, usually a man, both physically and psychologically, for a fee (around £200 (NZ$400) an hour ).

The domination will usually take place in a dungeon, a specially kitted-out venue, and the women will wear leather or latex fetish outfits with seriously spiky heels. But a dominatrix does not have sex with clients - they are not prostitutes. Often, however, the dominatrix came to the job through a personal enjoyment of taking control in the bedroom. So it is unsurprising that many have romantic, sexual relationships with men who enjoy being submissive: so much so they become their slaves.

Madame C explains: "Clients come with a list - I'm a platform for their desires and fantasies, and they pay for it."

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

But she is also a "lifestyle" dominatrix, and has three slaves who she is "sexually and emotionally connected to". Their job, she explains, is to "release her from the mundane", be that through leaning over the ironing board or bending over for a good spanking.

Miss Scarlet Letter also has her "boy" - real name Rob Martin - who keeps house while she goes to what she calls her "vanilla" job. BDSM is entirely personal for them; neither earns money from it. They are in a monogamous relationship and at some point will have "a collaring", a marriage-like ceremony of commitment.

"Obviously, I did think about the safety factor in giving complete control of my body to someone else, but honestly the amount of joy it's given me..." offers Martin.

"It may not be everyone's cup of tea, but it's how I am."

Discover more

World

Bondage book whips up storm

18 Jun 04:00 PM
Lifestyle

When seducing aim for tease, not sleaze

05 Dec 10:30 PM

With slaves, submission is total. Another, referring to himself as "dog", declined to talk to us because "as a dog it is not permitted to hold opinions or make decisions without the express approval of its bountiful owner".

Some people get off on both domination and submission - known in the scene as a "switch". Lewis North loves being told what to do (he used to clean his dominatrix's club dressed in a tabard and panties) but also, at times, likes to take control.

"I can be having dinner with my girlfriend, and be a bit sub or dom, and that determines how the evening goes. It depends whether you fancy tying someone up or being tied up, like whether you fancy the chicken or the fish."

North has parted ways with his dominatrix.

"I had a sexual relationship with my partner, and professional relationship with the mistress. My girlfriend was jealous and I'm keen for that not come up again."
Understandably, many people only attempt romantic relationships with fellow BDSM fans, who understand their kinks.

It's not just women who like to crack the whip; Master Cosmic is a dominant male. He has polyamorous relationships with women, but enjoys "play" in a wider sense.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

"I'm straight - but for me not all aspects of fetish are sexual. kI'd have no problems tying up a bloke, even flogging him. But will you find him in my bed in the morning? No."

Master Cosmic is pictured here in a wolf mask, which is both costume and identity protection. "What could be more edgy and frightening than a snarling wolf head in human size? There is a feeling of empowerment," he explains. But he also has to hide so there's no risk of being recognised. Master Cosmic offers the most vehement howl against the ongoing prejudice towards alternative sexuality in the UK: "There is still a lot of stigma attached. A lot of people can't say what they're doing in case they lose their jobs - journalists, doctors, teachers, social workers cannot be open about this side of their lives."

Perhaps we're not so comfortable with people's private sexual predilections after all. Several people I speak to are either fearful of losing their job, or acknowledge there are fields they could never work in now; others have had difficult experiences telling friends and family.

Yet they also suggest this isn't just some risqué lifestyle choice - it springs from an innate, natural need. Mistress Jezebel tells me that she couldn't be with "someone who isn't interested [in BDSM] because it is part of me".

And everyone remembers being aware of their tendencies at a young age - Madame C was "always a bit of a bully"; Mistress Jezebel was always "pretty bossy"; Lewis dabbled in transvestism as "a wee boy". Master Cosmic can pinpoint the exact moment: "I was sitting on the climbing frame with a bag of sweets, going, 'Beg for them...'"

The other thing they have in common? BDSM makes them happy. They find fulfilment in it, beyond just dirty sexy thrills. And as far as they're concerned, there's no harm in that.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

So it's tempting to conclude, "Well, as long as they're not hurting anyone..." But then, in this context, that might be tantamount to professional insult.

- THE INDEPENDENT

Save

    Share this article

Latest from Lifestyle

Lifestyle

Watch: Monteith’s Wild Food Challenge final returns to Auckland after 11 year hiatus

18 Jun 06:32 AM
Premium
Lifestyle

How healthy is chicken breast?

18 Jun 06:00 AM
Premium
Lifestyle

I thought I was a ‘moderate’ drinker until I started tracking my alcohol

18 Jun 12:00 AM

Sponsored: Embrace the senses

sponsored
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from Lifestyle

Watch: Monteith’s Wild Food Challenge final returns to Auckland after 11 year hiatus

Watch: Monteith’s Wild Food Challenge final returns to Auckland after 11 year hiatus

18 Jun 06:32 AM

A live cook-off featured ox heart, wapiti, wild boar and plenty of edible wildlife.

Premium
How healthy is chicken breast?

How healthy is chicken breast?

18 Jun 06:00 AM
Premium
I thought I was a ‘moderate’ drinker until I started tracking my alcohol

I thought I was a ‘moderate’ drinker until I started tracking my alcohol

18 Jun 12:00 AM
Premium
UK sculptor claims NZ artwork copied his design, seeks recognition

UK sculptor claims NZ artwork copied his design, seeks recognition

17 Jun 10:23 PM
Help for those helping hardest-hit
sponsored

Help for those helping hardest-hit

NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP