Two women have sent each other the same weathered birthday card for 81 years

The birthday card Pat DeReamer and Mary Kroger have been exchanging since 1944, shown in 2002. Photo / Courtesy of Don Kroger via The Washington Post

“The joke is that neither one of us knows who started the card,” said Mary Kroger, 94.

In 1944, a middle school girl gave her friend a card for her 14th birthday. When the girl’s birthday came around, the friend sent the same card back to her.

“Neither one of us can remember who started it,” said Pat DeReamer, one of the two girls, who is now 95.

The other teen was Mary Kroger, now 94.

A school photo from 1944. Pat DeReamer, left, and Mary Kroger are beside each other in the top right corner. Photo / Courtesy of Don Kroger via The Washington Post

For the past 81 years, DeReamer and Kroger have been sending the same birthday card back and forth to each other on their birthdays, signing their names and the date each time.

DeReamer opens it every year on her birthday, April 1, then signs it and mails it to Kroger, so she can open it on her birthday, May 20. Kroger lives in Carmel, Indiana, and DeReamer lives in Louisville.

“It’s been a long time,” Kroger said.

The timeworn card features a cartoon dog with a large red polka-dot bow tie. It reads: “Here’s wishing you a BIRTHDAY that really is COLOSSAL.”

The message continues on the inside of the card: “‘Cause it’ll be a long, long time before YOU’RE an old fossil!”

The front of the car. Photo / Courtesy of Don Kroger via The Washington Post

As they’re both nearing 100, the greeting “has taken on real meaning this year,” DeReamer said.

The inside of the card has an illustration of a large dinosaur skeleton spanning both sides. The women write the years on the dinosaur’s bones, and cross out the other’s signature when they receive the card. After eight decades, it is crowded with writing.

“We’re almost to the end of the dinosaur bones, so we started writing on the card, too,” DeReamer said. They’ve also written all over the original envelope, and they’ve almost filled up a second one.

While the women sign only their names and the date on the card, they often include separate notes and birthday wishes to each other. They send the letter in an oversize envelope, with the original envelope and replacement one.

DeReamer and Kroger met in middle school, after DeReamer moved with her family in 1942 to Indianapolis. At first, DeReamer recalled, she had a hard time making new friends.

“I was certainly a misfit,” DeReamer said. “Mary took me under her wing.”

“She asked me over to her house, and I had her over,” she said, adding that they lived three blocks apart. “We became very good friends.”

DeReamer, bottom left, and Kroger, top right, at Girl Scouts in 1942. Photo / Courtesy of Don Kroger via The Washington Post

On one of their 14th birthdays, the other girl gave the birthday girl the dinosaur card, unaware she was starting an eight-decade streak.

“The joke is that neither one of us knows who started the card,” Kroger said.

The women also don’t recall ever having a conversation about making it a tradition.

“We don’t know why it kept going back and forth,” DeReamer said. “It just happened.”

After DeReamer went to college in Oxford, Ohio, and Kroger stayed in Indiana for school, they spent less time together. DeReamer then moved around to multiple states in her adult life and travelled to 130 countries. Still, the card kept coming.

“We never missed a year,” DeReamer said, noting that one year, the birthday card got lost in the mail, but her husband tracked it down.

DeReamer, left, and Kroger in 1994 with the birthday card. Photo / Courtesy of Don Kroger via The Washington Post

While the women would visit each other over the years, it wasn’t until the 1990s that they spent a lot of time together again. They both had homes on Sanibel Island in Florida, and they would often have meals together.

“We always had fun,” DeReamer said.

Their families also got friendly. DeReamer was married three times – each husband died of cancer, she said – and she has seven children. Kroger has five kids.

“We always had lots to talk about,” DeReamer said.

The women – both of whom said the other is her longest-standing friendship – agreed the birthday card tradition is a big part of what has kept them close for so many years. Their families are charmed by it, too.

Signatures on the original envelope. Photo / Courtesy of Don Kroger via The Washington Post

“We always got a kick out of it,” said Kroger’s son, Don Kroger. “It’s pretty cool.”

After 60 years of exchanging the card, DeReamer’s daughter-in-law applied for the Guinness World Record for the longest birthday card exchange. They got the title, though it was overtaken by two women in Australia who exchanged a birthday card for 61 years.

In November, they applied to reclaim the title. They are still waiting to hear back from Guinness.

“The children decided that somebody really ought to give us credit,” DeReamer said.

But the women said they aren’t in it for fame.

“We really weren’t looking for notoriety,” DeReamer said. “We’re just doing what we have done for the better part of our lives.”

Kroger, left, and DeReamer with the card in 2005. Photo / Courtesy of Don Kroger via The Washington Post

The friends have not seen each other in a few years, as it’s gotten more difficult for them to travel. The birthday card, though, has been a constant in their lives.

“I’m always excited to get the card,” DeReamer said.

They said they intend to continue the card exchange for as long as they are able, and they believe their families will eventually take over.

“I’m sure if I can’t do it, my children will,” Kroger said.