Torque

By RUSSELL BAILLIE

(Herald rating: * *)

Torque is cheap. And yes, its action scenes do speak louder than words, especially ones strung into a coherent sentence. But at least it kind of revels in its bargain-bin, hand-me-down, B-movie, can't-believe-it-didn't-go-straight-to-video status. And is mildly, stupidly entertaining for that and in its attempt to be a 21st-century take on that former threat to decent society, the biker flick.

So it's a motorcycle knock-off of The Fast and The Furious? Hell yeah. Right from its two-wheel crotch-rocket versus four-wheel rice-rocket road rage opening to its leading man quipping the TF&TF line: "I live my life a quarter a mile at a time".

To which its leading lady replies: "That's the dumbest thing I ever heard." She, of course, hasn't been there for all the movie.

The leading man is our very own Martin Henderson as Ford, which is a very bad name for a motorcyclist, you'd think, especially as he's a biker among bikers.

And while he's at no risk of troubling Oscar voters, the actor formerly known as Stuart Neilson carries this all-action Hollywood flick upon his buffed shoulders, designer-stubbled, and with a mane that is impervious to helmet-hair.

Not that he gets much help from a script which, while big on pop-culture quips - "[expletive] the police," exclaims co-star Ice Cube, also the title of the most famous song by his old rap group N. W. A. - can't seem to get any of its characters to say anything remotely believable.

Even Ford's leathers have "Carpe Diem" inscribed upon them to show, hey, he's a seize-the-day kinda dude.

Either that, or it's the new slogan from the many soft-drink manufacturers which get much hilariously blatant product placement. Don't come in late and think the ads are still rolling. That's the movie.

The plot which rudely attempts to interrupt all the high-speed fun and scenes of various bike gangs sneering at each other, involves Ford being set up for the murder of Ice Cube's brother by another mob leader over some missing choppers with tanks full of crystal meth.

Ford has returned to put things right with the drug dealers and his gal Shane (Monet Mazur, who is quite the oil painting), only to find himself, her and his mates being chased across California by various gangs.

Oh and the law led by two FBI agents who are as ultra-hip as everyone else involved. One G-man seems based on that stylishly dishevelled but brusque character known as "guy from record company".

It does offer a couple of whiplash bike-riding action sequences, but soon they suffer from digital-overload fast-edit incoherence. The subsequent effect - the faster you go, the duller the mess.

To cap it off, the good guys ride to Mexico for the final scene. Only by a simple calculation of Californian sunset and shadow it would appear they've got too many dead insects on the visor and are headed north, in the wrong direction.

Then again as the name implies, Torque isn't about geography but movie physics and once again attempts to prove the simple formula: speed + leather + decibels divided by 0 story over 0 engaging characters can equal zzzzz.

Cast: Martin Henderson, Monet Mazur, Ice Cube

Director: Joseph Kahn

Rating: M (violence)

Running time: 84 mins

Screening: Village, Hoyts, Berkeley