There is nothing like a dame

Michael Hurst as the Widow Twankey in the pantomine Jack and the Beanstalk. Picture / Glenn Jeffrey

Michael Hurst likes playing with his breasts. Before elaborating on that blush-making statement, we must go back in time, to 1993. That was some year for Hurst, one of our most versatile actors and a celebrated practitioner of the works of Shakespeare. But sometimes his career zig-zags along a sublime-to-ridiculous path.

In 1993, he had gone from staging Hamlet to the spoof-sidekick role of Iolaus in Hercules, the television series which made him an international star alongside American actor Kevin Sorbo. Between, he'd also directed the pantomime Aladdin, in which he played the Widow Twankey.

Unfortunately, one of the American Herc producers saw Aladdin, and had a bright idea, as American television producers do. Sometimes. Twankey, she decided, just had to be in Hercules, no matter how ludicrous that might be. The accent was a problem, for a start, as Twankey speaks in a broad northern English accent.

"I tried doing it in southern American but in the end I said, 'I cannot do this unless it's in the north country accent. It is my mother, and unless I channel that energy I can't do it'," recalls Hurst.

And so Twankey was unleashed upon the ancient legendary journeys, not once but three times. To Hurst's amazement, the American audiences loved it, and to this day he is still asked to attend conventions in the United States as Twankey. She refuses to go.

"My rule about the Widow Twankey is that she doesn't stand close scrutiny - you get a bit close and it's quite horrific."

So is the revelation about the breasts. "For Herc, the boobs were filled with sand and covered with a panel that was transparent with a cleavage that was drawn on it. I had a huge cleavage and they were quite heavy but I quite liked it. Thank goodness I don't have any, I'd never stop playing with them," Hurst sniggers.

Playing a panto dame is not a drag act, Hurst hastens to point out. "It's not a queeny thing. In many ways you have to not pretend too hard to be a woman. I've done it a few times when I've deliberately left myself unshaved a little bit. If it becomes too camp, it becomes something else."

As Hurst has already pointed out, his Twankey is channelling his mum, who is now dead. "Twankey has a lot of earthy practicality and a lot of the stuff I do comes from the sayings my mother had: if a cup of tea was cold, it was stone plonk, if it was too weak, maiden's water."

Hurst's production of the panto Aladdin at AK03 was mad magic, a highlight for families who flocked to the St James to watch his Twankey fall down hundreds of times, and scream out those panto classics like, "He's behind you", "Yes it is", "Oh no it isn't." Laughing, shouting, cheering, whistling and booing is de rigueur and Twankey, who for reasons which are rather unclear, appears as herself but "playing" a Mrs Sidebottom (pronounced Siddy Betowm) is joined by Jack (Anna Hewlett), Jill (Morgan Rees-Fairchild), PC Poultice (Grant Bridger, who doubles as Daisy the cow). Others in the cast are Jason Smith, as Twankey's strange companion Yehudi, Bruce Hopkins as Squire Smelly, Jonathan Brough as Lesley and Adam the Ant and Irene Malone as the Flatulon Leader.

Of course, the fun must also include magic beans, a golden goose and general all-round lunacy resided over by the Twankey, "the most morally upright person on the stage" - who just happens to love her very big boobs.

The Prime Minister got it right when she stared at Hurst, dressed as Twankey, at the AK05 launch at the museum late last year. "Helen Clark looked at me," recalls Hurst, "and said one word. 'Horrendous'."

Performance

*What: Jack and the Beanstalk

*Where and when: St James, Feb 25-Mar 6, Mon, Wed, Fri at 6pm; Tue, Thu, 11am & 6pm; Sat, Sun, 11am & 2pm.