Kourtney Kardashian's advice on looking good naked involves the purchase of roughly $2100 worth of beauty products.
Kourtney Kardashian's advice on looking good naked involves the purchase of roughly $2100 worth of beauty products.
Oh Kourtney Kardashian, what have you done?
The eldest of the reality TV siblings launched her lifestyle site, POOSH this week, after months of buzz-building via social media.
And the result might be summed up in one word: "Really?"
POOSH, which contains such rarefied gems as "Foods to Flatten YourBelly" and "How to Look Good Naked" is perhaps what happens when your marketing team tells you to find a new way to extend your brand while blithely forgetting that the Kardashian lifestyle is not exactly synonymous with holistic wellness, reports news.com.au.
Kardashian's advice on looking good naked involves the purchase of roughly $2100 worth of beauty products — all of them from the department store Nordstrom (and no mention that the post is sponsored).
Kourt neglects to include the liposuction, breast augmentation, personal trainer and roughly $49 million dollars she has at her disposal to achieve the same. According to Kourtney, all we need is, like, a $53 body scrub and a water bottle and we are good to go!
Funnily enough, this type of advice has generated criticism over the outdated, tone-deaf message she's portraying to readers.
Reading this “article” from Kourtney Kardashian’s new website Poosh. The article is titled “How to LOOK GOOD NAKED” and suggests to change the lighting to mask cellulite. Why are we encouraging masking it? EMBRACE OUR BODIES, ALL BUMPS AND BRUISES. @jameelajamil, do your thing... pic.twitter.com/S2nRHpB5iu
Several commenters on Twitter took issue with Kourtney's ideas on body image, and look, they're not wrong. Kourt shares her top tips to flatten your belly (spoiler alert: just eat watermelon! It's great for bloating!).
And ways to get a butt just like Kourt's, complete with shot of the aforementioned butt, in a red one-piece that Kourtney has self-wedgied.
Then there are ways to cut carbs, and ways to cut sugar and of course, "Three Moves to get your abs Bikini-ready".
It's as if Kourtney has no idea that women have been rejecting this thinly-veiled body hatred since magazines started to plummet after promoting it for decades. There are actual tips on how to "maintain your figure".
Who under the age of 75 even says the word "figure" anymore? At least Gwyneth Paltrow is savvy enough to disguise strict dieting with phrases such as "clean eating".
See, when Gwyneth began her foray into the lifestyle space, we knew she was elitist, but we also knew she really did do that cupping thing — she wore the proof on her back. In marketing terms, Paltrow had an authentic voice. It doesn't matter if that voice was only attuned to rich, white ladies, at least GOOP had a flavour.
But if POOSH has a flavour, it is cotton wool: which is to say it tastes like nothing, and is very difficult to swallow.
For instance, she interviewed her mother, Kris on "how to be a boss" but both ladies neglect to mention that the two major keys to Jenner's success was marrying a really rich guy, and capitalising on the publicity generated by her second eldest daughter's homemade porno.
Then there is Kourtney's signature salad — which has been roasted on social media this week — is, sadly, less than aspirational.
So I'm reading Poosh (?!), Kourtney Kardashian's new lifestyle website, for a piece I'm writing, and I just need everyone to understand my feelings about her "signature salad."
The 40 year-old mother of three, who is rumoured to be dating 23 year-old singer Harry Hudson, said the idea for the name, POOSH came from the nickname she has for her 7 year-old daughter, Penelope.
The associations with Gwyneth Paltrow's GOOP are immediate but is that really the look you're going for Kourtney? It's not like Kardashian is going to be suddenly recommending soil therapy and colonics, is it?
There's also some sort of play on the word "push" as in "My husband gave me a sterling silver breast pump as a push present for the caesarean of our first son, Icon".
Or, "Even if you PUSH past the abundance of mediocre content, you're still left with a sinking feeling that this whole thing was as rushed as Kanye's last album."
Or perhaps it wasn't rushed. Perhaps Kourtney really is, as her sister Kim once declared, the "least interesting" of the clan. Perhaps this is the real her, in full flight.
The site's name is reportedly the nickname for her oldest daughter Penelope, but you have to wonder, is it a message any seven-year-old should be around? Photo / Instagram
The site's name is reportedly the nickname for her oldest daughter Penelope, but you have to wonder, is it a message any seven-year-old should be around?
Still, it might work. After all, Kourtney has been selling slimming teas and waist-trainers via her social media platforms for years now, and making serious money.
And fans seem to be lapping it up like one of Kourt's avocado smoothie recipes. POOSH is already making a dent in the Lifestyle space, but it might not be the positive one Kourtney yearns for.
