Under a glowering grey sky, the famous gasometers blotting out the skyline in the mid-distance, the 500 guests of the Big Jubilee Lunch at the Oval Cricket Ground were seated at their tables laid out on the pitch, drinking champagne and nibbling at petit fours.
Resplendent in a tropical suit, the event's compère, comedian Stuart Holdham ("I'm just cheap and available, basically") tapped his microphone to get the gathering's attention. "Our special guests, Jedward, are on their way," he said.
He was joking, of course. At the entrance to the ground, the Prince of Wales and Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, were decanting from an Audi saloon, shaking hands with the Mayor of Lambeth, the MP for Vauxhall, and the chief executive of the Duchy of Cornwall (which owns the Oval). It was 11am. "A bit early for lunch," murmured Prince Charles, smiling broadly.
Could any event celebrating the Queen's Platinum Jubilee be more uniquely British?
Royalty, celebrity, eccentricity; a Caribbean steel band from south London, two people dressed as rose bushes, apparently just for the fun of it, an African prince from Northern Ireland brandishing a ceremonial horsehair staff, an Indian bagpipe band and, most importantly, a legion of volunteers and representatives from a multitude of community charities and good causes who labour tirelessly year in and year out, with scant recognition and no personal reward, now afforded the rare privilege of a royal meeting.
The jubilee lunches have been run by the Eden Project, which first introduced the Big Lunch to bring communities together in 2009. Some 750,000 joined in for the first event.
More than 8.5 million people attended Big Lunches for the Queen's Diamond Jubilee in 2012. This year it is estimated that up to 18 million people have taken part in Big Lunch events across the country over the past three days.
The patron of the project is the Duchess of Cornwall, who is also the patron of the Royal Voluntary Service (RVS), which this year paired with the Eden Project, launching the Platinum Champions Awards, for people who have made outstanding contributions supporting the NHS and vulnerable people in the community.
More than 3000 people were nominated for Platinum Awards, with 70 Platinum Champions and their families at the Oval.
Among them were Ken Ross and his wife Rachael, who founded the Portsmouth Down Syndrome Association in 2009, both of whom were independently nominated. With them was their son Max, 17, who has Down syndrome. The association is dedicated to offering family support and raising educational achievement levels among children with Down's, and the Rosses helped to draft the Down Syndrome Act, which became law in April, and which makes provision for the needs of those with the condition.
"We're over the moon. It's such an honour to be here and to be recognised for what we do," Ken Ross said. "It's incredible what the Queen has done over the years, and what the Royal family do. They really do put in a shift."
Another son, Jack, 24, is currently in Ukraine, delivering food and provisions with his organisation Van Without Borders. "Yesterday, he organised a jubilee party for soldiers and their families, with Union Jack bunting he'd taken over specially."
Laid out on an enormous trestle table, was an extraordinary representation of the jubilee lunch – cakes, Scotch eggs and the Platinum Pudding – made of felt and wool by the artist Lucy Sparrow. Gyles Brandreth, wearing a woolly sweater with a corgi motif, paused to look on his way to his seat: "This is my natural habitat!"
"And here," said Holdham as the press corps and film crews were being led to their vantage points, "are this year's Love Island contestants ..." Definitely joking.
He issued instructions on protocol. If the royal guests pause at your table "nod and bob". The Prince should be addressed as "Sir"; the Duchess as "Ma'am – to rhyme with jam. Failure to do so will result in two years' hard labour."
Across the pitch marched the Shree Muktajeevan Swamibapa Pipe Band, from Kingsbury in north London, taking their places in regimental order and striking up an air to welcome the royal guests.
They were led to the felt and wool feast, where Camilla paused to pick up a Scotch egg. For a moment it seemed she might eat it but she placed it back on its plate and moved on.
Mick Stanley, 81, a retired major with the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards, had come dressed in a full Union flag suit and tie.
In search of something to pass the time during Covid – "I'm not one for sitting down, watching television and fading" – he constructed a sailing craft from two sheets of corrugated iron, with outriders, named Tin-tanic, which he has rowed on various waters around Britain raising money for Children on the Edge, which is providing reception centres in Romania and Moldova for Ukrainian refugees. He has rowed on Loch Ness and the lake at Blenheim Palace.
A request to row on the lake in St James's Park was refused "for security reasons", he said. "I'm very keen to row on the lake in Buckingham Palace. I just asked Prince Charles. He didn't say no …"
Meanwhile, on Windsor Castle's Long Walk, organisers and volunteers had been up since dawn setting up one of the longest lunch tables in the country, and silently praying that the morning's rain would have the manners to hold off for a while.
In the build-up to the jubilee weekend, Windsor's lunch was mooted as being a potential new UK record, lining the 3.8km route of the historic tree-lined avenue. As it was, they abandoned the attempt because they ran out of tables, though there were still 488 of them, snaking down from the castle gates like a magnificent wooden conga line.
They hosted over 3000 people (plus many, many more picnicking alongside), each adorned with some 10,248 miniature Union flags of bunting, and – by a conservative count – several million platters of homemade sandwiches.
Competition to host the longest lunch was fierce. Goring in South Oxfordshire and Streatley, across the Thames in Berkshire, ran some 550 tables in a continuous 1km stretch across the bridge between the two villages, literally joining the two counties.
But Morecambe claimed the record, with town council chief executive officer Luke Trevaskis hailing it "a once in a lifetime event".
He said: "The whole promenade was awash with people, we managed 500 tables, seating 5000 people [and] managed to extend it to 2.7km, which is a new record. With the picnickers either side, we think there were over 10,000 people celebrating in Morecambe today."