A new study suggests straight women still have fewer orgasms during sex than men do, even with age and experience. Photo / Sara Andreasson, The New York Times.
A new study suggests straight women still have fewer orgasms during sex than men do, even with age and experience. Photo / Sara Andreasson, The New York Times.
Sex researchers and therapists have long known that women in heterosexual relationships tend to have fewer orgasms than men do. A large new study suggests that this “orgasm gap” persists — and does not improve with age.
The numbers
The research, published recently in the journal Sexual Medicine,found that across all ages, men of all sexual orientations reported higher orgasm rates during sex - from 70% to 85% - compared with 46% to 58% for women. Lesbian and bisexual women between ages 35 and 49 reported higher orgasm rates than their heterosexual counterparts.
The analysis included data from eight Singles in America surveys, which are funded and conducted by Match.com annually in collaboration with the Kinsey Institute, the sexuality and relationships research programme at Indiana University. The sample included more than 24,000 single Americans between the ages of 18 and 100.
Researchers were especially interested in the question of whether orgasm rates vary by age. Amanda Gesselman, a research scientist with the Kinsey Institute and lead author on the study, said she thought the team might find evidence that the orgasm gap narrows as women develop confidence and learn what they like (and, perhaps, their partners develop skills to help pleasure them).
However, while older gay and bisexual men and lesbian women did have higher orgasm rates, “we really didn’t see evidence of closing the orgasm gap overall,” she said, adding that she hopes future studies will explore the age-orgasm connection further.
“We really, as a society, sort of prioritise men’s pleasure and undervalue women’s sexual pleasure,” Gesselman said. “And I think that contributes to consistent disparities.”
Researchers were especially interested in the question of whether orgasm rates vary by age. Photo / Getty Images
Emily Nagoski, a sex educator and author of the book Come Together - who did not work on the new study - said a limitation of the study was that the survey asked: “When having sexual intercourse in general, what percentage of the time do you usually have an orgasm?” But it did not provide a more specific definition of what “sexual intercourse” means.
Research shows the majority of women require some form of clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. So if straight women defined “sexual intercourse” as vaginal penetration alone, it makes sense that there was a significant gap in orgasm rates, she said.
A more revealing question might be, “What percentage of the sex you have do you like?” Nagoski said. “Orgasm is not the measure of a sexual encounter. Pleasure is the measure of a sexual encounter.”
Ultimately, what matters is that people spend time figuring out what makes a satisfying sexual encounter for them, which often includes things like connection, trust and comfort, said Kristen Mark, professor at the Eli Coleman Institute for Sexual and Gender Health at the University of Minnesota.
“There are so many ways to experience sexual pleasure, so it’s important not to equate the orgasm gap to a pleasure gap,” she added.
Mark said that may be especially true later in life, when factors like the hormonal changes that occur during menopause, a partner’s erectile problems or other health challenges can make it difficult for women to reliably orgasm during sex, but they might still be enjoying the sex they are having.
What progress looks like
At the same time that sex researchers and experts are calling for a more nuanced understanding of what makes sex “successful,” they express frustration at the fact that heterosexual women of all ages are still not having as many orgasms as their partners.
Laurie Mintz, a professor of psychology at the University of Florida and author of Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters - and How to Get It, said the study’s findings underscore the need for comprehensive sex education. But that’s not enough.
Women need to figure out what they find pleasurable, and then feel confident and comfortable communicating that to their partners, Mintz said. That requires an attitude that conveys “I deserve pleasure as much as my partner,” she added - and it also requires a partner who is receptive and open. Mintz acknowledged that both are easier said than done, calling the orgasm gap an “insidious” byproduct of patriarchal attitudes toward sex.
Women who are unable to orgasm, or who are simply not having sex that feels good, can talk to their general practitioner, Mark added - though she lamented that it tends to fall on patients, not medical professionals, to initiate conversations about sexual health. And she acknowledged that most doctors get little if any training in sexual health. Still, “it’s their job to meet you where you are and find you the resources you need,” Mark said. For instance, issues like dryness and pain during sex after menopause - which can make orgasms elusive - are treatable.
But she and other sexual health experts emphasised that there are larger issues at play. Among them, the lingering idea that women’s sexual pleasure is somehow secondary.
“It can be fixed,” Mintz said. “It’s going to take education, and empowerment, and acceptance of vibrators and lubricants, and using the word ‘clitoris’ - and all of that.”
