Sex education programmes in New Zealand vary widely from school to school. Photo / Thinkstock
Sex education programmes in New Zealand vary widely from school to school. Photo / Thinkstock
Many parents find sex to be a difficult and uncomfortable topic. It can be daunting to know how to talk about such an important part of being human with children, never mind working out what they actually should know at what age.
With society being quite sexualised at times andpornography becoming very accessible, preparing children for the world we find ourselves in can feel complex.
In the latest episode of Herald podcast, The Little Things, hosted by Francesca Rudkin and Louise Ayrey, sex and relationship therapist Jo Robertson shares her take on how parents can navigate these sensitive topics with their children.
Parents often get perfection paralysis when it comes to sex education, getting caught up in being worried about getting it right.
Robertson believes all parents need to focus on is providing age-appropriate information and answers to kids’ questions. She emphasises the importance of talking to children early.
“The whole birds and the bees talk, we need to expire that. That needs to be gone, and there needs to be a lot of conversations. And really you are starting from [age] 2 when they’re starting to learn anatomy names and you are identifying the correct anatomy. That’s deeply uncomfortable for a lot of people.
“But when we do that for our little ones, they don’t find it uncomfortable. And we should totally transform a generation in the way that they talk about their bodies.”
Robertson says sex education should not just be left to the experts, as primary caregivers are still the biggest influence that children have in terms of how they view the world.
Jo Robertson is a sex therapist, parent consultant and a founding contributor to The Light Project.
One of the biggest challenges parents face is discussing pornography with their children. Robertson believes that parents should approach the conversation with empathy and understanding, acknowledging that pornography can be confusing and overwhelming for children.
“At around four, when kids start having play dates, you want to start talking about media they might see. You don’t say the word porn, but you might say, ‘hey, you know, if you’re at a friend’s house, you might see like photos or videos of people, maybe sometimes without clothes on, it might make you feel a bit funny.’
“If you think about a 4-year-old, they might have a friend who’s four, but an older sibling who’s 12. A quarter of New Zealand young people who see porn will see it at 12 or younger. Seventy per cent by accident, they don’t even choose it.
“And we see we are seeing increasing rates of girls consuming porn. So, they’re much more likely now than they were in 2010 to consume porn.”
Robertson says that by providing a safe and open space for these conversations, parents can help their children develop a healthy attitude towards sexuality.
“The age [New Zealanders are first having] intercourse is being delayed but also declining, in terms of how many people are having sex, and it’s declined over the last 20 years. So we can take that as, I think quite a positive because as we’ve introduced more sex education, as we’ve had more culture, talk about sex and sexuality, young people tend to be more selective about when they have sex, who they have it with, and what it’s like.
