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Home / Lifestyle

The Dating Diaries: Why you need to stop being the 'nice girl'

Lillie Rohan
By Lillie Rohan
Entertainment Writer·NZ Herald·
27 May, 2021 07:00 PM4 mins to read

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Being a "nice girl" can often equate with being a doormat when it comes to dating. Photo / Getty Images

Being a "nice girl" can often equate with being a doormat when it comes to dating. Photo / Getty Images

OPINION:

When Sherry Argov wrote "nice girls always finish single", I felt about as attacked as the men who cry about girls not choosing the "nice" guy.

This week I've been in that godawful spot between finishing a Netflix show I absolutely loved and finding a new show to live up to my high standards.

I still haven't found a show and I've ended up rewatching the Vampire Diaries for the millionth time. But not even the sexy Salvatore brothers can keep me entertained so I went old school and picked up the book, "Why Men Love Bitches" by Sherry Argov.

It's my latest, jaw-dropping obsession and it basically reiterates everything you already know about dating but in a super sassy, no-BS tone.

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The only downside is that it can be confronting when Argov calls you out for your past behaviour and you unavoidably have cringey flashbacks like the time you made your new boyfriend dinner, only for him to cancel on you. But forget about that, because ultimately you'll be glad you paid $20-ish for this sassy truth bomb.

Argov's dating theory is based on two types of women: the nice girl, AKA a doormat, and the b*tch, AKA the dream girl (we will call her the "strong girl" for editorial purposes). But what is the difference between the nice girl and the strong girl? And what does it have to do with success in dating?

In simple terms, the nice girl is passive - she hasn't learnt to put boundaries in place. She is the "yes woman" who routinely sacrifices herself to make her boyfriend's life easier.

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The strong girl, on the other hand, contrary to popular belief, is "nice" in societal terms but she doesn't let men treat her like trash. She demands mutual respect, and most importantly, knows her worth.

If you're sceptical about how far a woman can get with the strong girl kind of attitude, never fear, I was as well - so I put my science project hat on and used Boyfriend A and Boyfriend B to test Argov's hypothesis.

via GIPHY

Boyfriend A brought out the nice girl energy in me. When he ditched our movie date for a night drinking with his friends (red flag one), I told him it was absolutely fine even though I'd already paid for the tickets (red flag two) and when he texted me at 2am (red flag three) asking if I wanted to come over, I was embarrassingly desperate for his attention and said yes ... then didn't hear from him for a week (red flag four).

Boyfriend B, however, brought out my strong girl energy. One night he "forgot" about our date and after a couple hours of radio silence from both of us, he asked if I wanted to go get ice cream. Not having a bar of his minimal effort, I said I had plans. He then asked if I wanted to do something the next night, but I was incredibly busy (watching The Vampire Diaries), and for the next week he constantly asked when I would be free.

The outcome? Argov's hypothesis was correct. Boyfriend A treated me like a nice girl/doormat because I let him, I completely forgot what self-respect meant. Boyfriend B treated me like I was a strong dream girl because I demanded more than his minimal-effort approach.

Obviously, chemistry, fate, and a whole bunch of other factors come into it but if you are crushing on a guy and think he might make a great addition to your already fabulous life, remember: nice girls always finish single.

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