The Dating Diaries: Here's why I'll never use dating apps

Is it possible to find love without a dating app? Lillie Rohan thinks so. Photo / Supplied

OPINION:

On my list of ways to find love, dating apps sit at the very bottom.

Call me unrealistic, delusional, old fashioned or if you're feeling kind, a hopeless romantic. Point is, I don't like using dating apps and if you don't either, you've come to the perfect place.

Every boyfriend I've ever had I've met "in the wild" which honestly sounds insane, when did we start referring to meeting a partner at a barbecue, through friends at a wedding or at a bar as "in the wild"?

I do think dating apps can be great and I have tried them, but truth is I just don't think I have the personality for them.

You need to be the kind of person who puts themselves out there and is more than ready to reap both the rewards and the tragedies of online dating. And I am just not that person.

For example, you have to be ready to accept the below stats, something which I am not willing to do.

“An experiment with Tinder found that 'the bottom 80% of men (in terms of attractiveness) are competing for the bottom 22% of women and the top 78% of women are competing for the top 20% of men.'” https://t.co/kbd4XYyzSt

— Quillette (@Quillette) March 13, 2019

I'm a huge overthinker and dating apps leave open the door for a lot of overthinking. Especially before a first date. Will you like them? Will they like you? What if there is no attraction? What if they're nothing like their profile?

Not to mention the lack of authenticity of online dating. It's full of heavily edited profiles followed by perfectly concocted conversations about your hobbies and interests and don't even get me started on the guys seeking a quick hook-up.

My first run-in with online dating was when I was 19 and good lord it was emotionally scarring. Long story short a recent breakup plus an unreciprocated swipe right on a certain ex-flame didn't work out well.

I embarrassingly sobbed about it for three hours then decided if you can't beat 'em, join 'em - which obviously resulted in me pouncing on my phone every time I got a notification just in case it was him.

Spoiler, it wasn't.

Safe to say the first dating app round didn't go great for me, but I'm a firm believer that everything deserves a second chance, so I gave the apps another go. But round two of dating apps didn't work out either so I decided to retire my profiles and go back to "the wild".

via GIPHY

While I would love to be the girl who has a whirlwind romance on a dating app, it all comes down to how much you're willing to put yourself out there. Are you willing to meet a stranger at a café or a bar? Would you facetime or call them to get the ball rolling? Are you willing to take the leap?

My introvert personality is shaking just thinking about it.

Maybe if I gave it another go I would have some success because my mates at Bumble told me "Lillie it's not all doom and gloom, people on dating apps really are looking for love, in fact an entire 48 per cent of Bumble users are."

And despite the dating app stereotype, only 11 per cent of Bumble users are looking for a sneaky link.

So maybe there is a glimmer of hope for my dating profiles? But my current preference is honestly chance rendezvous.

There is no better feeling than going out into the wild and spotting someone from across the room who you are immediately attracted to. Is it a creepy feeling? Absolutely. Will you progress to try to take a sneaky snap of Mr Mystery for validation from the group chat? Absolutely.

But it's a feeling like no other when you're suddenly captivated by another person.

via GIPHY

And when you try to talk to them your brain will turn to mush. Full sentences? Forget about them. Constant giggling and hair twirling? Very much happening. Overthinking every single word they said post-meeting? An embarrassment that can only be cured by word vomit to your best friend who tells you it's "not that bad", despite it obviously being that bad.

The chance rendezvous is how I've met two of my past boyfriends it's what makes me believe people meet for a reason and it's authentic. Every move you make is a natural response and if the feeling is reciprocated, you find yourself engrossed in weeks, months or sometimes years of honeymoon style dating.

So that's why I'll never turn back to dating apps because while it might be harder to meet someone "in the wild", the rush it gives is something I've never experienced with dating apps.

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