The ball and the box: Woman goes viral with perfect explanation of the stages of grief

The thread quickly went viral. Photo / Twitter

Lucky are those who have never had to experience grief, a complex emotion with many, varied, equally overwhelming stages.

Grief is hard to understand, especially if you've never been through it.

A woman went viral on Twitter with an analogy that people say is a very good way to explain grief.

Lauren Herschel explained grief on Twitter using "the ball and the box" analogy.

The theory, she says, was first shared by her doctor, used to describe how the brain triggers feelings of grief.

After what has been a surprisingly okayish Christmas, I had a moment today in SuperStore. Saw a lady who reminded me of my 92yo grandma, who even in the early stages of dementia, completely understood that my mom died.
I thought I’d share the Ball in the Box analogy my Dr told me pic.twitter.com/YfFT26ffU8

— Lauren Herschel (@LaurenHerschel) December 29, 2017

Her Twitter thread quickly went viral when it was first published and continues to be circulated widely on social media.

So grief is like this:
There’s a box with a ball in it. And a pain button.
And no, I am not known for my art skills. pic.twitter.com/XDwCCdXVkc

— Lauren Herschel (@LaurenHerschel) December 29, 2017

The theory paints grief as a ball inside a box with a "pain button" on the side. Immediately after a loss, the ball is big and often hits the pain button. Over time, the ball shrinks and, even though it bounces around the box, it hits the pain button a lot less often.

In the beginning, the ball is huge. You can’t move the box without the ball hitting the pain button. It rattles around on its own in there and hits the button over and over. You can’t control it - it just keeps hurting. Sometimes it seems unrelenting. pic.twitter.com/Wcas2p4vab

— Lauren Herschel (@LaurenHerschel) December 29, 2017

"For most people, the ball never really goes away. It might hit less and less and you have more time to recover between hits, unlike when the ball was still giant," she explained.

Over time, the ball gets smaller. It hits the button less and less but when it does, it hurts just as much. It’s better because you can function day to day more easily. But the downside is that the ball randomly hits that button when you least expect it. pic.twitter.com/fevAttojBg

— Lauren Herschel (@LaurenHerschel) December 29, 2017

"I thought this was the best description of grief I've heard in a long time."

"I told my step dad about the ball in the box (with even worse pictures). He now uses it to talk about how he's feeling.

"The Ball was really big today. It wouldn't lay off the button. I hope it gets smaller soon."