NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Herald NOW
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
  • Herald NOW
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Politics
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Herald NOW
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / Lifestyle

The 14 surefire signs your partner is about to cheat or leave you

Daily Mail
23 Aug, 2017 09:58 PM7 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

Relationship expert Tracey Cox reveals the 14 signs that could mean your partner is going to cheat - or already has. Photo / Getty

Relationship expert Tracey Cox reveals the 14 signs that could mean your partner is going to cheat - or already has. Photo / Getty

By Martha Cliff for Daily Mail

Would you know if your partner was about to cheat on you?

Most of us like to think we would but the signs are sometimes less obvious that you'd think, reports the Daily Mail.

While on their own these behaviours could be innocent, if you're answering "yes" to more than six things on this list, it's definitely time for a talk about your relationship.

HE'S TALKING A LOT ABOUT SOMEONE NEW

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

People shut up once they're having an affair but during the infatuation period when they think it's innocent and nothing would ever happen, it's very much "She said this and then she did that".

Picture a school kid with a crush on their teacher - and sometimes it is just a harmless crush.

But if they abruptly stop mentioning them, it could mean one or both of them has crossed the line from friendship to romance and they've either stopped the friendship because of it or it's fast moved into an affair.

THERE'S SOMETHING MISSING IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Both men and women have affairs to get something they're not getting from the relationship they're in.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

If you haven't had sex for the last two years, it's pretty obvious the cute redhead at your partner's workplace who flirts with him is going to be damn tempting.

If your partner's a workaholic and never around and your self-esteem's at rock bottom, you might cheat to get some attention and to boost your self-confidence.

Other people cheat on "perfect" partners for that reason alone: their partner's perfection makes them feel less than perfect.

Some people are searching for something they lacked as a child, others for lost youth.

Discover more

Lifestyle

The bad manners we hate to see at restaurants

25 Aug 04:15 AM
Lifestyle

8 ingenious ways people have got revenge on cheaters

06 Sep 07:50 PM

Whatever it is, few of us realise that's what we're really after while we've got our legs in the air in the hotel room or broom cupboard.

Has your partner talked about something not being quite right? Could be they're about to find what they're looking for elsewhere.

HE WAS IRRITABLE OR DOWN AND NOW HE'S SUSPICIOUSLY CHEERY

It might be because he was questioning your relationship and has cheered himself up by flirting/sexting someone else.

Is your partner more or less affectionate than usual?

More could mean he feels guilty about something, less that he's withdrawing from you.

YOU'RE DOING ALL THE WORK IN THE RELATIONSHIP

The person who gives the most in the relationship - really looks after it and nurtures it - is the person less likely to have an affair or cheat.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Problem is, they can become so fixated on "the relationship" - building a nice home and financial future - they forget the person they're building it with.

The partner then feels neglected and seeks attention elsewhere.

"I was astonished when my husband told me he'd had an affair," said one woman I counselled.

"I couldn't have been any more supportive as a wife. But he said I'd stopped seeing him, as a person. I treated him like a husband not 'Jonathan'. He was probably right."

YOUR INSTINCTS TELL YOU SOMETHING'S WRONG

Most people who seriously suspect their partner is cheating turn out to be right.

If you can't put your finger on it, but you know something's not the same and worry your partner's being tempted elsewhere, trust your instincts.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Particularly listen to your intuition if you're a woman who doesn't have a problem with jealousy. We've got great inner radars.

HE'S TALKING LESS

If he's less interested in talking generally, it could be because he's scared of slipping up.

If he's just become interested in someone else, he'll start volunteering less information about what he's up to when you aren't around.

HE'S CHANGED HIS ROUTINE OR HABITS

If your boyfriend used to run at 5am and now he's running at 7pm, with aftershave on, you don't need to be a rocket scientist to figure out something's going on - or about to.

HE'S CHANGED HIS APPEARANCE

Forget the obvious (the wedding ring's accidentally replaced on the wrong finger or they dropped it down a drain) - look for subtle changes.

Has he suddenly lost those few extra kilos?

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Is he hitting the gym and revamping his wardrobe without a word of criticism or encouragement from you? Could be he's out to impress someone who's caught their eye.

A box of matches from an unfamiliar restaurant coupled with a guilty reaction. Photo / Getty
A box of matches from an unfamiliar restaurant coupled with a guilty reaction. Photo / Getty

HE'S WANTING MORE SEX THAN USUAL

If you're having great sex, your partner can't possibly be cheating, right?

This is called "the hydraulic pump theory": you only have so much energy for sex, so if you're getting it elsewhere, you won't want it at home.

Wrong.

Some people are more passionate at home when they're having sex on the side because the affair arouses them.

However, this alone doesn't mean he's cheating - more sex could also mean your partner has decided to make a bit of effort!

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

YOU'VE FOUND A CLUE

A box of matches from an unfamiliar restaurant coupled with a guilty reaction.

Unexplained purchases on their bank statement to places you've not been to or florist bills for flowers you haven't received.

The friend who calls to say they haven't seen your partner in ages yet they were supposed to be out to dinner with them the night before.

All are warning signs they're about to cheat or already have.

If they're serious about the person they're about to cheat with, sometimes your partner will deliberately leave clues, hoping to be discovered.

Or the person they're flirting with will.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

It's rumoured Jackie O found a pair of women's knickers stuffed into her pillowcase at the White House while she was married to Kennedy.

HE SMELLS DIFFERENTLY

If your partner smells impossibly fresh and clean after a hard day at the office, could be the affair has already started (he's had a shower after sex at their lover's place).

He smells of a perfume you don't wear? He might well be rubbing up against someone else.

THERE ARE TOO MANY WEIRD CONVERSATIONS

Is your partner always saying "I'll have to call you back" when the phone rings while you're together?

Do they look shifty and the tone of their voice changes when they take some calls? Being secretive with their phone when they normally aren't is a huge red flag.

It's also not a great sign if your partner's always "popping out for a few minutes".

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Be especially suspicious if their phone is engaged the whole time they're gone: they're calling the other person.

One friend of mine dashed down to the shops when she couldn't get through to her partner to tell him to get a vital ingredient.

She saw him talking on his mobile and something told her to sneak up rather than announce her presence.

Her suspicions were confirmed: he was whispering sweet nothings to a lover.

YOUR FRIEND DROPS HINTS

If your partner's been seen with someone else or confided to a friend who's then told their partner, friends may try to warn you.

Men are more likely to cover up for each other; women feel obliged to give some sort of warning, no matter how subtle.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

While few people will blurt the news out, many give themselves away by making indirect comments.

Pay attention.

That passing remark from a friend ('I was reading a story today about infidelity. God, you just never know, do you?') could be a warning.

YOU FIND YOURSELF DELIBERATELY NOT THINKING ABOUT "IT"

A lot of people know when their partners are about to be unfaithful - they just don't want to admit it to themselves.

But what you don't know can hurt you - both physically and mentally.

If your partner's not practising safe sex, you're at risk of contracting an STD or, worse, HIV.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

If you're crying "for no reason", getting headaches, feeling rundown - again, it's your body's way of saying, "Hey, you might not want to admit it. But I know you think they're about to cheat and I'm suffering for it."

Confrontation might not be your strong point but in this instance, it really is crucial.

Save

    Share this article

Latest from Lifestyle

Premium
Lifestyle

'Two small boys left fatherless and their mother cast as a scarlet woman'

20 Jun 10:00 PM
Premium
Lifestyle

Everything Millennial is cool again

20 Jun 06:00 PM
Lifestyle

Lemony bow tie pasta with broccoli and macadamia crunch

20 Jun 05:00 PM

Help for those helping hardest-hit

sponsored
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from Lifestyle

Premium
'Two small boys left fatherless and their mother cast as a scarlet woman'

'Two small boys left fatherless and their mother cast as a scarlet woman'

20 Jun 10:00 PM

The scandalous true-crime murder case that shocked New Zealand.

Premium
Everything Millennial is cool again

Everything Millennial is cool again

20 Jun 06:00 PM
Lemony bow tie pasta with broccoli and macadamia crunch

Lemony bow tie pasta with broccoli and macadamia crunch

20 Jun 05:00 PM
Tauranga couple's 'amazing journey' to parenthood

Tauranga couple's 'amazing journey' to parenthood

20 Jun 05:00 PM
Inside Leigh Hart’s bonkers quest to hand-deliver a SnackaChangi chip to every Kiwi
sponsored

Inside Leigh Hart’s bonkers quest to hand-deliver a SnackaChangi chip to every Kiwi

NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP