Steve Braunias: The secret diary of ... Horoscopes

Horoscope chart or horror scope ... it's all written in the stars for 2015. Graphic /Getty Images

Opinion

The only horoscope you need for 2015. Part two next week!

Capricorn

(December 23-January 20)

One word: Hamilton. It's where business and pleasure are inexplicably but inextricably linked. Take precautions, starting with health insurance. Disappointment was trending in 2014 but your hashtag for 2015 is #wheee. Your career is on a rollercoaster. It may have a political dimension. Who do you identify with more - Nicky Hager, or Cameron Slater? Study the arts of secrecy, diplomacy, and betrayal. Someone will come to you with a problem. You have always attracted moaners. Ask them to show you the money; if they can't, show them the door.Aquarius (January 21-February 19) You talk a blue streak, but have you noticed that much of it is superficial and boring? It's because you use language as a screen to hide behind. The issue is anxiety. Something happened a long time ago and you're only dimly aware of the facts. It's probably a red herring. Concentrate on the now. Make an effort to communicate what's really on your mind; you'll be amazed at the range of ideas you're capable of expressing. Be open to new cultural experiences. Stay up late on Karangahape Rd on Saturday night and see what happens. See your family doctor, and bathe often.

Pisces

(February 20-March 20)

You're such an adorable person. You're fun, witty, clever, good-looking, healthy, popular, and perfectly formed. Can things get any better? The answer is: yes, immediately. Summer beckons, and so do the waters of Bethells Beach, Takapuna, Bucklands Beach, Long Bay, and Red Beach. Swim your head off. Get a tan. Eat fruit. Play all day, and sleep all night. It's a summer of explicit happiness. The rest of the year's all good, too, but it'd help if you tidied up after yourself, dropped the sarcasm, and loved with all your heart.

Aries

(March 21-April 20)

Are you a hostage to love? Or the hostage taker? Either way, the theme of your emotional life is captivity. It's not doing you any favours. The key word for 2015 is: liberty. Run, and run fast. Travel beckons. What about Taupo? It's nice there. Consider long-term accommodation in a motel, but always have one bag packed. Keep it next to the door. Your health is precarious. Take two Aspirin, and hope for the best. Keep your eyes open for an unexpected financial advantage. The sufferings of others are there to be exploited.

Taurus

(April 21-May 21)

Question what you once took on trust. Examine it, turn it over, shake it; and then smash it to bits. Scatter your past in the dustbin of history. Step into the light. Carry a weapon. It's either going to be Glen Innes or Glen Eden in 2015; play your cards right, though, and you might be destined for Glendene. A new relationship beckons. It will put an intolerable strain on your nerves, in a good way. As a child, did you get in trouble for drawing on the walls with a crayon? Don't let that hold back your artistic impulses. You are on the brink of a masterpiece.

Gemini

(May 22-June 21)

It's not about you, it's about all of us. Put aside that consuming interest you have in yourself, and do things for others. Volunteer, donate, listen. An appointment in Herne Bay will lead to spending a lot of time in Edgecumbe. Climb the mountain when you're out there. The view's surprisingly good. Your health becomes an issue. You're in for a shock, probably quite soon. It might pay to get your house in order. Do you know a lawyer you can trust? Good luck with that. Lead a horse to water. You deserve a drink.