Steve Braunias: The Secret Diary of . . . Horoscopes, part 2

Zodiac-gazing for 2022.

OPINION

CANCER (June 22-July 23)

He kai kei aku ringa: "There is food at the end of my hands." You will provide in 2022. It's going to have a huge impact on the people in your life – and complete strangers, too. We live in an age where heroism is in short supply but you will step forward and perform that role with complete modesty. Your love life is likely going to suffer. Being cheated on is worse than death. Practise yoga, and chastity. The voice in your head may be the voice of God. A spiritual experience is set in Albany.

LEO (July 24-August 22)

Kaua e mate wheke mate ururoa: "Don't die like a octopus, die like a hammerhead shark." Fight with all your strength to the bitter end. No matter how hard the struggle is, show courage, and when you lose, and you will lose, at least no one can say you didn't try. Those working in exports are likely to witness encouraging growth – but in markets with terrible human rights abuses. Do the right thing. Poverty is liberating. Bathe often, and see your family doctor.

• Steve Braunias: The Secret Diary of . . . Horoscopes, part 1

VIRGO (August 23-September 22)

He maurea kai whiria: "Ignore small matters and direct effort toward important projects." Small matters may include small children, with their selfish demands, their clever manipulations, their wants and needs and manias. They're awesome when they're sleeping but don't let them guilt-trip you in waking hours. A sudden windfall presents a number of questions and a range of answers. Back your judgment. Work less, and sleep more. Practise yoga, and learn the ways of the Buddha. The most important project to direct your efforts towards is the attainment of peace beyond understanding.

LIBRA (September 23-October 23)

He kotuku rerenga tahi: "A white heron flies once." You are that white heron, a once-in-a-lifetime event, someone special and gifted and wildly talented. And yet much depends on doing the mahi. 2022 marks a new direction. It's time to get serious. Get your accountant to clear the decks. Earn good money, and spend it lavishly and unwisely. Travel beckons, beyond the Hermit Kingdom: New York's good. Love will take you by the hand and lead you around the bedroom with the lights out. Enjoy.

SCORPIO (October 24-November 22)

Hōhonu kaki, pāpaku nana: "A deep neck, but a shallow outcome." Well that's a bit judgmental, not to mention critical; sure, you have healthy appetites, and sure, you don't contribute all that much of value, but so what? To take more than you give isn't the worst thing in the world. Your financial status is likely to remain stable. Also, there is a possibility of receiving some unearned wealth like expensive gifts or insurance benefits. Communication issues with family are only a problem if you listen their stupid complaints.

SAGITTARIUS (November 23-December 22)

Kāore te kūmara e kōrero mō tōna ake reka: "The kūmara does not say how sweet it is." You get a lot of criticism for your cheerful self-confidence but it's just the tall poppy syndrome. You're awesome, and 2022 is set to be a record year for persona gains and a positive influence on the lives of others. Strange new ways to improve digestion may bring success. Singles are set to find their soul mate, and those in established relationships are all good, too. Tell your enemies to suck on that.