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Home / Lifestyle

Steve Braunias: Secret horoscopes of 2018

Steve Braunias
By Steve Braunias
Senior Writer·NZ Herald·
12 Jan, 2018 04:00 PM3 mins to read

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Steve Braunias
Opinion by Steve Braunias
Steve Braunias writes for the Listener and Newsroom.
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Steve Braunias provides a 100% accurate forecast for your year ahead in the second of his two-part horoscope. (Part one)

CANCER (June 22-July 23)

Two heads are better than one. What you need in the workplace is a co-conspirator. Lay some bait. Seal the deal. Loose ends will drive you crazy.

A little bit of something is better than settling for nothing. The ladder to success needs a solid base. Lay the groundwork. Weed out those who would drag you down. Travel light. If there's a stone in your shoe the only way it got there is if you put it there.

Always carry at least $200 in cash. The day is coming when your life will depend on it. Bitcoins are also acceptable.

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LEO (July 24-August 22)

You've got a lot on, so here's 2018 in bullet points:
• Takapuna.
• Health insurance.
• Property law.
• Scandal.
• "Gardening leave."
• Ritalin.
• Spent passions.
• Christianity.
• New curtains.

VIRGO (August 23-September 22)

Everything is poised for a summer of love. How does it compare to a winter of sleaze and duplicity?

The important thing is to do what's right for you and to believe in yourself. An astonishing reversal at the end of last year will bear fruit. Pick as much as you want. The key words for 2018 are fun, freedom, and furnishings.

Do up the home. You have the energy. Stay away from human voids in the workplace, and trust in your ideas. You're not alone: someone is there for you.

LIBRA (September 23-October 23)

Is it wrong to invest in environmentally questionable companies? In and of itself, the question is moot; there's more pressing concerns in your life, and anyway you don't have that kind of money to throw around.

But the principle is important, because the way you answer the question will shed light on the direction of your emotional life in 2018. The key to it is how you regard cynicism. Do you recoil from it, or do you view it in more pragmatic terms? Are you Exxon Valdez, or Greenpeace? Are you Trudeau, or Trump?

Discover more

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22 Dec 04:00 PM
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22 Dec 04:00 PM
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Braunias: Looking at the year in satire

29 Dec 04:00 PM
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Steve Braunias: Secret horoscopes of 2018

05 Jan 04:00 PM

SCORPIO (October 24-November 22)

Much to think about this year. Is the meaning of life the same for animals and humans? What do you contribute back to society? Why are humans so confident in beliefs that can't be proven? What is the biggest waste of human potential? Do business owners have the right to refuse service to customers?

If someone you loved was killed in front of you, but someone created a copy of them that was perfect right down to the atomic level, would they be the same person and would you love them just as much? What's for dinner?

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SAGITTARIUS (November 23-December 22)

Three heads are better than two. The key words for 2018 are consensus, community, and co-operation.

A form of communism will work wonders in the workplace but also at home. Share, and share alike. Many hands make light work. Think about an equal distribution of love, and give to every beggar you meet. What goes around, comes around. Even when you lose, you win.

There's plenty of room on the tightrope above the abyss. Do look down. People are cheering you on. If faith is a form of gambling, put it all on red.

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