Step away from those boxes and call the pros

It's daft risking injury and anger trying to move your stuff when a few hundred bucks sees it done. Photo / Getty Images

Most Kiwis too lazy or unfit to move house, so let experts do it.

Harry Callahan once said "A man's got to know his limitations". This is especially true when moving house.

Generally speaking Kiwis are too weak, lazy or hungover to do a proper job. Whatever happens, no matter the cost bring in the professionals.

If you're over 30 you've probably already done your fair share of shifting.

We spend our 20s in moving hell. Every weekend some half friend or other needs to change flats. Hours and hours of our lives wasted helping friends with crappy furniture and filthy mattresses.

Back in the day I had a buddy with a piano. Let's call him Andy Popplewell (because that's his name). He never played it but he loved moving it from house to house. One year I helped him shift his out of tune box of hefty pain three times. We carried that bastard instrument upstairs, downstairs in and out of the most awkward shit holes in Dunedin. I skinned my knuckles, jammed my hands and scraped my shins off.

The final straw came at the top of a particularly steep street south of the Octagon.

At a pre arranged moment we just walked away and let the piano go. It careered off down Hope St on tiny screeching wheels gaining an impressive amount of speed. A few close automotive misses later she smashed to the ground sending keys flying everywhere. One last shift to the dump and the world was a better place. Andy was understandably upset. But as Spock said "The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few ... or the one".

Nowadays no matter how broke I am I get the movers to do my shifting. I'm not qualified to do it.

Last week against my better judgement my partner and I got involved in some house packing. After two hours all we'd done was incorrectly deflate five duvets into vacuum sealed storage bags. Which is a lot of fun. If you get yourself in the right mental state, watching air being sucked out of bedding is a real mind blower. The boxing of all our stuff wasn't as fun but we eventually got it done.

Then the professionals turned up and a meagre 300 bucks later we were completely relocated.

It makes sense to work extra hours at what you're good at and use the money to pay people to do what they are good at. Save yourself injuries, time and anger.

Movers are like olympic athletes. One of the guys shifting our place picked up the fridge, carried it down a flight of stairs and placed it on the truck all by himself. I hadn't even bothered to defrost or empty it. What a pleasure it is just sitting back and watching people do your work for you.

Another mover named Cory carried two full tea chest-sized boxes of books down whilst regaling me with quality analysis of the Mayweather v Pacquiao fight. In total I carried two couch cushions and a plastic sword to the truck and I was more puffed than my hired champs.

Shifters always turn up in great shape. Maybe not their backs, bones or ligaments but you'll never see a fat one. It's not a diet thing. You'll never see a mover eating good food. Two litres of Mountain Dew, three mince and cheese pies and a packet Spicy Tomato Munchies each hits the spot. If you're budget conscious make sure you book movers just before a major sporting event. If the biggest boxing match of all time starts at say 3:30 book them for 1:30. They'll get that house packed and moved in record time. Total pros.

Statistically most Kiwis are overweight, busy and unfit. States that are not conducive of expedient house moving. Face facts; you're not up to it, you're not man enough - get the pros in.