Cramped spaces, family quirks and late nights? Sleep well through it all. Photo / 123RF
Cramped spaces, family quirks and late nights? Sleep well through it all. Photo / 123RF
Family visits, changes in routines, and festivities can all affect our sleep.
Q. I’m anxious about the holidays because my parents will be staying with us. I love them, but it’s going to be cramped and stressful. Any advice on how to sleep well while they’rehere?
A. Sleep under cramped and stressful conditions can be hard, and the holidays sprinkle in some added challenges. As a sleep psychologist, I do have some advice for you. These suggestions are not a substitute for individualised healthcare.
Sleeping in close quarters
We are territorial animals. We like privacy and control over our environments. In stressful lives, many of us (especially introverts) recharge through retreat and sanctuary.
The family visit will upend these practices. It’s probably wise not to expect otherwise. But you may be able to minimise the impact on your sleep by trying these tips:
Maintain a few sacrosanct boundaries, such as keeping your bedroom door closed all day so you know you are retreating to protected territory at night.
Consider using sound-mitigation strategies in bed, not only to limit environmental intrusions, but to help you feel sealed off from your visitors at night.
See whether you can take an hour or two to yourself before sleep to reclaim quiet and freedom from responsibility. The goal is to recalibrate from being on edge. It might help to journal or debrief with a partner or other trusted person as part of that process.
Claim some time for yourself during the day, too, if possible. Many guests need that time for themselves as well and are aware that you need it. Communicate your needs if at all possible.
Winter often leads to longer sleep durations due to shorter daylight hours. Photo / 123RF
Dealing with the stress of family
Every family has its unique craziness. There are reasons you agreed to your parents’ stay despite the discomfort. Perhaps financial imperatives were at the heart of the matter. Perhaps you mostly love hosting them, or it means the world to them to stay with you.
But is there more to the story (guilt, fear, having to prove yourself, people-pleasing)? What is your anxiety trying to convey about you, them, your history together? Is hosting them the only acceptable decision? What would happen if you voiced your preferences (for example, for a hotel stay or a shorter stay)? Would it have terrible consequences or would life go on and feathers unruffle over time? Here are a few ideas to comfort you when close family members push your buttons:
It’s okay and natural to feel upset.
You’ll be relieved soon. Draw on the forbearance of all the big families that share tight quarters year-round.
If you are extending this effort out of kindness and to promote family cohesion, you are living in sync with your values.
The visit won’t be challenging every minute. There might even be some positives.
You have a close family that you are moved to make sacrifices for (noteworthy these days).
Being around others’ quirks can afford practice in surrendering to limited control.
Seasonal depression can disrupt sleep by affecting circadian rhythms. Photo / 123RF
Managing sleep issues specific to the holidays
We may stay up later, drink more and eat too many rich foods. All can leave us sleep-starved. Staying up late can also lead to “social jet lag” when it is time to return to work: a mismatch between our biological and required rhythms.
Have fun, but weigh the tradeoffs. Non-alcoholic beverage alternatives have evolved in flavour and variety.
We try to make the holidays fabulous for children and guests, which puts a lot of pressure on us and can require late-night work.
Try to relax your standards if they are too rigid; be realistic about the odds and stakes of disappointing others; examine any self-esteem issues that fuel overwork; and remind yourself what’s really important to you and others about the holidays.
Many will not be spending the holidays with loved ones. This time of year can be hard for those who are alone, who are estranged from their families, or whose early celebrations were marred by parental addiction and mistreatment. The contrast between what is supposed to be a happy time and reality can be painful.
Treat yourself with tremendous kindness and understanding. Recognise that despite appearances, everyone else isn’t having a blast and may in fact be quite stressed. Join with others who are lonely or create your own rituals such as a movie marathon and favourite foods.
Good holidays to all.
Lisa Strauss, PhD, is a clinical psychologist in the Boston area. She specialises in sleep disorders.
