Sinead Corcoran Dye: The mother of all pregnancy treats

Sinead Corcoran Dye on the joy of pregnancy pampering. Photo/Sylvie Whinray

Between the stretch marks, reflux, stomach issues, weight gain, strange sneezing, almost constant vomiting and nipples turning brown (can’t believe none of you warned me about this), I can confirm I’ve never felt more revolting than when being pregnant. I am not glowing; I am dull and grotesque. But in my bloated and hormonal travels over the last six months, I have discovered a few pampery things that make me feel at least 20 per cent better and less of a troll. Also, it’s Mother’s Day next week so if you’re a pregnant mum-to-be, that’s extra justification for you to snatch the joint credit card and book in all these things to treat yourself.

A Brazilian wax. Okay, so not technically a lovely, pampering experience, but hear me out. About a decade ago I got full laser hair removal. At the time I was warned that if I was to become pregnant, the hormones would likely cause the hair to grow back. But what did I care, I was 20 and fancy-free!

I am now 30, six months pregnant and the hair has indeed grown back, ten thousand-fold. I can’t actually tell, because my big belly is in the way, but the situation was confirmed at our 20-week ultrasound when the technician pulled my leggings down to scan me and my husband screamed out, “Oh my God, did you know about your bush?!”

I’ve since got into Brazilian waxes. Not for my husband, I don’t give a rat’s what he thinks. (Also, he’s middle-aged so I feel like bushes are surely his 70s wheelhouse anyway.) But with everything south of my belly button feeling achy and out of my control and dominated by a squirmy baby, I need my crotch to look like my old crotch to stay sane. I don’t know why this is of the utmost importance to me, but it is. Pregnancy is weird and if you too need to have no pubes to feel normal, just do it, mama.

A blow wave. Last Christmas I was at the peak of my hyperemesis nightmare. I was vomiting upwards of 10 times a day and was too exhausted to even shower. My greasy little bun was making me feel grotty and depressed so on Christmas Eve, I decided to splash out $50 and get my hair washed and blow-dried at the hairdressers. It was possibly the best money I’ve ever spent. You simply cannot discount how much having nice hair impacts your emotional well-being. As Phoebe Waller-Bridge delivers in an impassioned speech in Fleabag, “Hair is everything. We wish it wasn’t so we could actually think about something else occasionally. But it is. It’s the difference between a good day and a bad day.”

If you have also been smacked down with crippling morning sickness and don’t have it in you to wash your own hair, pay for a blow wave. Don’t think about all the sensible things for the nursery you should have spent that $50 on. Your newborn doesn’t really need anything but milk and a happy mum. And hair is everything.

A pedicure. Even though you might not be able to see your feet anymore, it makes a huge difference knowing they look nice somewhere down there. And most places will give you a leg massage, which is great for swollen preggo calves. I get my hooves done in Auckland’s Victoria Park, with proper hospital-grade tools to scrape all that dead skin off safely, and they actually give your feet a proper tidy-up instead of the half-hearted buffing you get at most places. Their pedicure chairs recline so far back that you’re almost tipped upside down in a really lovely way, and it takes all the pressure off your baby-heavy gut, at least for an hour.

A pregnancy massage. I have saved the most essential for last. If you too are carrying the weight of a child, you simply must book in at Bella Mama, New Zealand’s only spa specialising in pregnancy and post-natal massage. Now I do not recommend them lightly – I have travelled all over Auckland trying out massages and most of the time I find them average at best and absolutely don’t think they’re worth coughing up $100 for, especially in a cost-of-living crisis. But these massages by candlelight are elite. They’re firm enough for all those sore and tight bits, without being too aggressive that you’re worried your baby will get a black eye – and they let you choose your own massage oil scent, which is great especially if you’re struggling with nausea and have smell aversions. They also tuck you in surrounded by pillows to support your bump, cover you with warm blankets, gently stroke your belly in a non-weird way and rub you down with hot towels. And the piece de resistance, after the massage they transfer you to the Peaceful Mama Nap Room where you’re served herbal tea and snacks before you have a little snooze.

Tell your partner booking a pregnancy massage is a Mother’s Day non-negotiable and that otherwise you’ll raise the baby without a father.