Shelley Bridgeman: Why women are Ms-understood

Miss, Ms, Mrs? Name titles for woman can be confusing. Photo / Getty

Sheila Michaels, the woman credited with bringing the honorific "Ms" into the mainstream, died recently in New York. Of course, "Ms" proved to be controversial and is still often misunderstood.

While men's names and titles are uncomplicated, naming conventions for women can be both oppressive and confusing. Below, six widespread myths about women's honorifics and surnames are exposed and refuted.

1. "Mrs" and "Miss" are not harmless titles

The use of "Mrs" and "Miss" might have been charming back when women were considered to be virtual chattels belonging to men. But it's outdated to continue to define women by their relationship (or lack there of) to a man.

It's not just archaic. It's also dangerous. The violence pyramid associated with rape culture begins with attitudes and beliefs. Stage two is "verbal expression" such as sexual harassment. Stage three is "physical expression" which includes sexual assault.

Referring to women by demeaning titles that were spawned with overtly sexist motives propagates attitudes and beliefs that women are second-class citizens, destined to be subservient to men.

If you accept the notion that rape culture exists on a continuum then it's difficult to view the use of "Mrs" and "Miss" in a benign light.

They are insidious and sinister titles sending messages that erode the power and self-worth of women and girls while boosting the egos of men and boys.

"Mrs" and "Miss" seem inoffensive yet, in reality, they are damaging symbols that help underpin a misogynistic society.

2. "Ms" is not reserved for divorced women

Thinking that "Ms" is the exclusive domain of divorced women misses the purpose of this wide-ranging honorific. "Ms" is designed for use by all women, regardless of marital status.

"Ms" does not describe a woman's relationship to a man. Ever. D'oh! Let's get this straight: "Ms" is to women as "Mr" is to men. It's pretty simple.

3. It's not compulsory for women to change their names

Back in 1993 when I married and kept my surname, a handful of people expressed surprise because they thought it was a requirement for married women to take their husband's surname.

That's right. This outdated practice is so widespread, so well accepted, so seldom questioned, that some people think it must be enshrined in law. It's not.

In fact, it is a custom enshrined in our culture. It is a tradition cheerfully adopted by willing (and, clearly, sometimes misinformed) citizens - and, that, if you think about, is far more compelling than if it was written into law. Who needs legislation when there's indoctrination?

Changing a woman's name signals that she's less important than the man she is married to. It's a double whammy that has the effect of keeping women oppressed.

This sexist name-changing practice is just another addition to the "attitudes and beliefs" section of the violence pyramid.

4. It's not a "maiden name" if you haven't changed it

If a woman keeps her surname after marriage, she is not "using her maiden name". It is not her "maiden name" if she hasn't changed her surname. Even the Oxford dictionary agrees with me.

Here "maiden name" is described as "[t]he original surname of a married woman who uses her husband's surname ... after marriage". A surname only becomes a "maiden name" once discarded.

5. There is a title especially for unmarried men

It could have been a joke, but some men have expressed disappointment there's not a title for unmarried men. I don't know where they got this idea because there is one.

It's "Master" and, as far as I can tell, no boy over the age of about ten is ever referred to by this infant-like title. Yet, tradition dictates grown women retain the title "Miss" until marriage. Ludicrous much?

6. "Ms" is not political-correctness gone mad

I'm all for transgender rights and I would welcome the day that everyone is referred to as "Mx" - the new gender-neutral honorific.

But, in the meantime, I would just like to point out to anyone who (still) has a beef about "Ms" that if they really want to get up in arms about newfangled inventions they should take a look at "Mx".

Pronounced "mix" and steadily gaining traction, this could be a fresh target for people with a penchant for dismissing innovations as "political correctness gone mad". Just saying.

"Ms" is old news, really. Nothing to see here.