Shelley Bridgeman: Why is it so hard to get a babysitter?

Having a babysitter can be hard work. Photo / Getty

If you're a parent of a young child, a toddler or a baby, please look away now.

The following might create a sense of discomfort. It may precipitate feelings of claustrophobia. You really don't need a reminder of how you've lost your freedom since the arrival of your little one.

You're probably living and breathing that truth every moment of every day (and night).

Please don't say you weren't warned ... Anyway, now my daughter is aged fourteen, she may lawfully be left home alone while her father and I pop out for an evening meal.

It is only a mild exaggeration to say this development is one of the best things that has happened to me. Ever.

Mere words are insufficient to express how awesome it is to be able to leave the house without involving third parties and planning weeks in advance. Even Dancing Lady emoji, Party Popper emoji and Thumbs Up emoji might struggle to capture the sentiment.

Here are the steps that have been involved in securing a babysitter for the last fourteen years:

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1. I email the babysitting agency
2. The agency emails to say my request has been received
3. The agency emails to say the babysitter of my choice is available
4. The babysitter of my choice texts to confirm the booking
5. On the day, I make sure my child has been bathed before the babysitter arrives
6. I ensure my child has been fed, too
7. I make sure the kitchen is tidy
8. I greet the babysitter upon arrival
9. We chat with the babysitter
10. We leave
11. Near the end of our evening out, we worry that we will return earlier than the specified three-hours
12. On the way home we calculate how much we owe the babysitter
13. Usually, at this point, we realise we have no cash so we must visit an ATM
14. We arrive home
15. We chat with the babysitter
16. We thank the babysitter
17. We pay the babysitter
18. My husband walks the babysitter to her car
19. A few days later I receive an invoice from the agency for the booking fee
20. I pay the agency fee online.

I'm exhausted just typing all that. These are the steps involved in going out these days:

1. We go out
2. We arrive home.

Of course, using an agency adds a layer of complexity but it has always provided kind, trustworthy and qualified sitters so I've stayed with it.

Additionally, if our allocated sitter happened to become unavailable at the last minute, a replacement would be supplied so it's a bit of an insurance plan too.

That three-hour-minimum rule can be a pain, though. For us, the ideal amount of time to have a casual, weeknight dinner at a local restaurant is about two-and-a-half hours door-to-door.

In the old days we'd sometimes stay for an extra drink in order to extend the evening. On other occasions we'd just arrive home early and pay for the full three hours but then we'd worry this made us look extravagant.

And, I know some parents might leave the feeding and cleaning of the children to the babysitter but I reckon that goes beyond the job description. In my book, that service is something a regular nanny would perform rather than a casual babysitter.

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Anyway, I always wondered how the babysitter administration had automatically become my responsibility. There was more than a whiff of sexism going on here. Unspoken resentment was simmering at a low level.

Then once, many years ago, my husband made the suggestion one evening that possibly I could have chosen a more appropriate time for the babysitter to arrive.

Now, I do not respond well to criticism from the uninitiated. And that is how, for twelve months, my husband became the reluctant babysitting agency liaison officer.

Furthermore, his role necessitated additional steps because he needed to ask me what arrival times we required. Given the circumstances, that was ironic.

Sure enough, when the year was up, I resumed babysitting booking duties. There hasn't been a word of criticism since. I must have upped my game.

Babysitters and agencies are not entirely off our radar just yet. We don't leave our daughter alone if we're going into the city or if we plan to be out for several hours.

Earlier this month we had functions to attend near Arrowtown on consecutive Friday and Saturday nights. Our daughter had travelled with us so we booked a sitter for both evenings.

We hadn't encountered a new babysitter for a while and when she asked for our cellphone numbers I remembered that this question had always worried me. I'd once asked a sitter why she needed our numbers. "In case of emergencies," she'd replied.

Gosh, I'd thought, I'd be useless in an emergency. Furthermore, when we're out at a dinner or a function, how could we possibly assist with a dangerous situation at home?

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As we left the house that long ago night, I'd said to the sitter: "You won't really ring me in an emergency, will you? One-one-one would be the best number to call."

To my credit, I didn't say this to the babysitter in Arrowtown. I thought about it but managed to restrain myself.