Following what unexpectedly became three days of birthday festivities, it's time to reflect on lessons I learned in my 40s.
1. It's good to make your bed
It's pedestrian, domestic and a tad patronising but this advice (dished out in Gretchen Rubin's
The Happiness Project
) seems to be correct. I only discovered this for myself because for two weeks in December we were living in a house that was for sale. Each morning I had to make the beds. (This is not a task to which my slothful self was accustomed.) I felt virtuous, organised and in control all day.
2. No one is that interested in you
Most people are so busy making their own way in the world and grappling with their own issues to worry much about you. Yes, you might occasionally provide them with a brief talking point or be the butt of a joke if you do something foolish, but the only person dwelling on it will be you. Realise this and you have freedom from the age-old source of inhibition known as "what other people might think".
3. How to lose weight without spending money
At the end of 2013 I lost ten stubborn pounds quietly and slowly. I didn't join a group, sign up to a weight-loss programme - or buy special supplements, miracle creams or infomercial toning machines. Instead I had a small breakfast, soup for lunch, a healthy dinner and learned to live with hunger pangs. I wanted meals not meal replacements. I didn't want to follow a fad diet or obsess about food. Most importantly, I didn't want to spend money. It was counterintuitive to be paying more for the privilege of eating less.
4. A mid-life crisis can be positive
Mine began last year when I took up show jumping. The road has been peppered with falls, injuries and general indignities but there has been the occasional highlight. My horse, Dusty, and I went double-clear in one-metre classes at Taupo in December and Dannevirke in January. (This was personal best for me although the height is no big deal in the competitive show jumping scene.) It's easy to become set in your ways as you grow older yet the benefits of stepping outside your comfort zone and trying new things are well known.
5. Sometimes wise-sounding words are hollow
When I was young a couple of older people said something along the lines of "I wish I knew at your age what I know now". I've waited decades to discover what this mysterious phrase actually means. The older I get the more I imagine it's a way of saying "I might be old but I know a lot of stuff". If this is the best line they can come up with then I suspect that they are overstating the level of wisdom they actually possess.
6. Lofty ambitions are not always necessary
This will be my year of under-achieving. I will have no big plans or projects on the go. I will take it slowly, find pleasure in the small things and stop using productivity to bolster my notions of self-worth. I will stop reading articles about busy women who accomplish great things. I will breathe diaphragmatically, try to be in the moment and eschew multitasking unless it involves watching
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
while eating salted caramel ice-cream straight from the tub.
7. Your beliefs are always evolving
Truths are ever changing. What has currency at a certain time may become irrelevant later. Be prepared to constantly reassess your views.
8. Turning 50 is way better than the alternative
Just thinking of the people you loved who didn't even get close to reaching this milestone makes you feel petty for bemoaning the ageing process. From this perspective grey hair and wrinkles are blessings that not everyone is fortunate enough to experience.
Share your life lessons in the comment section below.
