Having to utter the 'v' word aloud is a cringe-worthy feat many find hard to do so blatantly. This has meant creating a slew of inventive alternatives to be used in its place. Photo / Thinkstock
The word "vagina" has had quite an airing recently. In the flurry of controversy following US politician Lisa Brown being barred from a debate after uttering the word an undeniable collective squeamishness has been uncovered. It seems that even our almost-anything-goes, full, frank, transparent, call-a-spade-a-spade 21st-century society just might be
a little bit coy about, you know, down there. For some reason, this particular word doesn't slip easily off the tongue, so to speak.
I used to play Scrabble with a friend who knew every obscure word for "vagina" ever invented. "What's 'quim'?" I asked as she annoyingly used her letter Q. "It's slang for 'vagina'," she'd reply. It became a running gag whenever she introduced a word I didn't know. "I suppose that's slang for 'vagina', too," I'd say sarcastically. It usually was.
There's a list of informal terms for vagina at blackchampagne.com. Some of them are really good but I can't bring myself to type them in a family newspaper. They're rivalled only by the euphemisms for menstruating: visit from Aunt Flo, on the rag, she has the painters in and riding the cotton pony. You have to love the last two - especially if you're into home decorating and equestrian pursuits. Who makes up such things?
Words for female genitalia have long experienced a rough time. The c-word consistently tops the Broadcasting Standards Authority's list of words New Zealanders find most offensive. Personally, I quite fancy "front bottom". As a term, of course - what did you think I meant?
"Front bottom" is one of those so-bad-it's-almost-good terms. In fact, I may have used it occasionally over the years when speaking to my daughter. And before the PC brigade tell me off for that, I'd like to advise that the appropriate term for external female genitalia is actually "vulva" - a fine point frequently overlooked by parents intent on calling body parts by their anatomical terms.
