Shelley Bridgeman: 5 Christmas gifts that are not okay

Babies are not meant to be Christmas gifts, says Shelley. Photo / Getty

The issue of Christmas presents can be fraught with difficulty. Gauging what's appropriate and what is likely to cause offence is not always easy. Avoid making a gift giving faux pas this festive season by remembering these five key principles.

1. Babies are not presents

It was the story that stole the hearts of people around the world. A couple from Texas put the baby they had just adopted under the Christmas tree so their three young daughters could discover him.

The mother explained: "We met them at the door and told them that we had been out Christmas shopping and got them a gift to share ... and it was under the tree!" While this moment enchanted a lot of viewers, there were those of us who wondered if it really was the best way to introduce a new brother to the family. After all, baby Nathan is not a gift; he's a person.

Three years ago in a piece entitled Puppies aren't presents, I wrote: "In offering a pet as a gift, the animal involved is being trivialized and objectified ... it's given the same status as an inanimate object." On that basis, I felt a bit sorry for wee Nathan sleeping under the tree; if puppies aren't considered suitable presents then babies shouldn't be either.

2. Don't wrap yourself up

In another heartwarming story, a Royal Navy dad from Plymouth, England, surprised his small children by dressing up as a present. The children unwrapped the present and discovered that their father had come home for Christmas.

I reckon you can only get away with this if your children are under five years of age, you've been away for at least several months and the reason for your absence was noteworthy - for example, if you were serving your country, in jail or sailing solo around the world. If you can't tick off all three of those points then presenting yourself as a Christmas gift could be interpreted as somewhat egotistical. You run the risk of appearing a little wrapped up in yourself.

3. Livestock can be problematic

Various aid organisations invite us to celebrate Christmas by donating livestock to people in developing counties. Four years ago I quite liked the idea of giving a goat or a cow but now I'm having second thoughts.

At the very least, animals require ample water, space to graze and shelter. Giving an underprivileged family another mouth to feed in times of drought or famine doesn't seem like the smartest move. In fact, in a piece entitled Giving goats to poor people in Africa is not a good idea, World Land Trust says: "Goats may be cute for fronting fundraising campaigns ... but they are an environmental disaster in many of the poorer parts of the world." Furthermore, "goats are considered a cause of poverty in many parts of Africa." It sounds like donating mosquito nets, immunisations or clean water might be less complicated.

4. Don't be cruel and sadistic

Kerre McIvor's latest column revealed that not everyone who donates gifts to Christmas appeals is a kindhearted soul.

Some of the horrible gifts that have been given to charities for children who might otherwise not receive presents include: "stinky" sports socks wrapped in sparkly paper, empty gift boxes, a mutilated doll with pins in its eyes and teddy bears covered in vomit and faeces.

McIvor asked: "What sort of mind would take the time to wrap a cruel joke present, drive to a donation centre and hand it in?" It would be a sick and twisted individual, that's for sure. It's because of such people that charities request that toys donated are both new and unwrapped.

5. Try to be thoughtful

Some gifts just show how little you care. It's easy to see when zero effort has been applied to the process. Last minute gifts bought from the petrol station on Christmas Day will always look like they've been bought from the petrol station at the last minute.

If you're determined to prove to someone how unimportant they are to you in the scheme of things, then here are some items you might like to give them for Christmas: toilet paper, a roll of cling film, a fly swat, Marigold gloves, cotton buds, a plastic shower cap or a bucket.

I recently saw a video of a dad giving his two small children a wrapped banana and a wrapped onion which I'm guessing those kids weren't too rapt about.

So what is the appropriate reaction when someone gives you something you think is decidedly underwhelming? "Oh, wow, you really shouldn't have" covers most disappointments while also being absolutely truthful. "That's going straight to the pool room" (courtesy of The Castle) is the code we use at our place when a gift of dubious merit is encountered. And, by that we mean we are almost certain it won't be allowed anywhere near our house.

- nzherald.co.nz