KEY POINTS:
How to tell if you're still drunk from the night before: You get into the shower with your undies still on.
I kid you not people, that was me on Saturday morning after impromptu work drinks turned into an all night bender.
I awoke with a terrible start on Saturday as someone's hand brushed my arm.
"Oh god", I thought. "Who on earth is in my bed??"
As I opened my eyes, I realised I wasn't even in my bed. I was in someone else's.
For the next 30 seconds I lay there panicking, while my brain slowly registered my surroundings.
Fortunately, I soon realised I had not made some terrible drunken mistake. I was in fact at Flicker's house.
Darling girl found me somewhat the worse for wear, stumbling around town in the wee hours and sensibly decided to put me to bed.
Unfortunately, while Flicker may have saved me from embarrassing myself further in town (and trust me, after two hours at K-Box karaoke I had well and truly embarrassed myself), she could not save me from the cringe inducing walk of shame as I made my way home, still wearing last night's crumpled clothes.
As the taxi dropped me off at my flat, my neighbours were outside playing with their small children.
Clutching my high heels in one hand, there was no mistaking my bedraggled hair and mascara-smudged face, as I desperately scrabbled for my keys.
As I sheepishly smiled at the family, my neighbour literally covered her daughter's eyes and turned her away from me.
As if I wasn't mortified enough already. I now officially felt like the devil incarnate.
Of course, I couldn't explain to her that I had actually stayed at my friend's house. That I am not the cheap whore she so clearly took me for.
The next day, I was hanging my washing out when her husband came outside. As I gave a little wave hello, he gave me a knowing nod and began laughing to himself, shaking his head.
Red-faced I retreated inside.
The walk of shame is one thing; temporary embarrassment as passing strangers judge you.
But this is far worse. And more annoying.
Perhaps it's time to move...
