Ruth Spencer: How to put the fun back into fundraising

Forget cake stalls, these suggestions are way better. Photo / Getty Images

Roll up! It's school fair time. A time when you're forced to bake cakes you don't want to bake and then buy other cakes you don't want to eat. You may be forced to run a tombola, whatever that is, or drive around collecting bric-a-brac, whatever that is. If the gala pays off, the school will finally be able to afford that hydroslide it's been fundraising for since the 80s, so incentive is high. Isn't it time we had better stalls that might actually bring in the cash? Here are some suggestions for a fait accompli.

Booze kiosk

It doesn't have to be sordid. We're all adults, except for all of these children running around getting off-brand tomato sauce on the coconut shy. And we all have an unopened bottle of something weirdly sticky we bought on holiday we'd be willing to donate. Some cheese pairing and a by-the-case discount could really pull in the punters — and keep them there until they're drunk enough to try the sausage sizzle. It's a win-win, unless they buy a raffle ticket.

Degustation tents

A 12-course meal served in tiny bites, it's ideal for an event at which all there is for adults to do is wander around a field looking for food. Each course served at a different tiny tasting tent, the degustation menu features the classic flavours of a school gala, only more expensive: candyfloss foam on a smear of yellow "mustard"; hot dog batter crumb with a face paint couli (non-toxic); thrice-cooked margarined white bread.

Fortune teller

Once a staple of the school fair, fortune tellers could make a comeback depending on who you get to do the telling. Your child's teacher will chill you with dire predictions of their marks. That finance guy from the Board of Trustees will foresee an exciting windfall as he slips you his business card. Sarah's mum who dabbles in real estate is forecasting a tall, handsome stranger who wants to buy your house. Anyone would cross a palm with silver for advice like this.

Actual lucky dip

Who hasn't reached with hope into a bin of wrapped gifts only to pull out a gold-tone initial necklace of the letter N? Certainly nobody whose name actually starts with N. It's time for lucky dips to be truly lucky, stocked entirely with iPhones and Yeezy Boosts. It may cost more for good fortune, but that's modern schooling. Or really flirt with chance and make all the prizes unmarked USB sticks from the school office. Will you get Year 5's class photos or that unfortunate aggressive email chain about uniform hats? Try your luck!

Scented candle stall

Not everyone likes school, but everyone likes a scented candle. Combine the two with some eco-soya wax melts infused with the fragrances of School. Enjoy the cloying acidity of Orange Peel In The Bin After Play Lunch. For a nostalgic scent try Chalk Dust, or the more up-to-date Whiteboard Marker. The metallic Drinking Fountain Water adds an almost alpine crispness to the air, while cold coffee, leftover cake-stall cake and despair emanates from Staff Room.