While most of the world is set to send its best wishes to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle when they tie the knot on May 19, there may be others nursing grudges.
The list of names missing out on a coveted invitation to the big day is long and even
Royal wedding raises questions about what to do with difficult guests
By Ben Leahy
NZ Herald·
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He's accused Markle of "tearing the family apart" and forgetting "her flesh and blood".
"I'm not bitter, just baffled. It's hurtful given how close we once were," he told the British press.
And Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York, has been left her off the guest list to the exclusive private evening wedding reception.
Yet not everyone is off the list.
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British media has reported two of Harry's former flames, Cressida Bonas and Chelsy Davy, have received invitations.
How must Markle feel?
Yet, tackling the thorny issue of deciding who comes to your wedding and what to do with unwelcome guests is not a problem unique to royals.
Auckland wedding celebrant Aaron Bloomfield jokes that every family has one side of the tree that is "just different".
You wish you could prune them from the family tree, but you're stuck with them, he said.
Psychologist and director of Mindworks, Sarah Chatwin, agrees.
"Just because you share a bloodline with someone doesn't mean you are necessarily like them or that you like them or even know them," she said.
Okay, so what should we do when planning our guest list?
Put yourself firmly at the centre of your wedding and remember it isn't a popularity contest, Chatwin said
"It is your special day, you are the one getting married."
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And, while people should be "sensitive and appreciative of other people's expectations", you can't please everyone.
"There is always going to have to be a cut-off point, and there will always be people who are included and people who are excluded," Chatwin said.
But what if you have "difficult" guests that you have to invite?
Having spent more than 10 years helping couples get hitched, Bloomfield has seen all kinds of guests.
There's the uncle who decides to get the speeches started early "by standing on his chair and whistling for attention before launching into a roast of the bride".
Or the jaded aunt who heckles the celebrant during the ceremony, calling out, "Marriage is a sham. Don't do it".
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He suggests either putting all the difficult guests together on a so called VIP table at the back of the venue "or in another room", or assigning your stern grandma to keep an eye on them.
Chatwin also suggests placing difficult guests in the care of someone you trust.
"Absolutely, there can be pep talks all round," she said.
"You can say, 'Hey listen, Uncle George doesn't know many people here, he's a little inclined to be a bit nervy, can you just have a chat with him'," she said.
"Whatever it takes to make the day as stressless and as pleasant for as many as it can be."
And, most important of all, try to have fun no matter what goes wrong, whether the official videos don't work out or a cellphone rings during the vows.
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"Things are going to happen - and that is what makes your wedding day a unique experience for you," Chatwin said.
