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Home / Lifestyle

Royal Wedding 2018: The most important question to ask

By James Weir
news.com.au·
26 May, 2018 10:50 PM2 mins to read

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Exclusive vision of the Duchess plotting her next move. Photo / AP

Exclusive vision of the Duchess plotting her next move. Photo / AP

As the wail of trumpets fades in Windsor and we all begin to wonder why we cared so much, it's now an appropriate time to ask an urgent question: How can we Meghan Markle our way into the royal family?

Armed with nothing but a collection of edgy blazers and dating guide book The Rules, the Duchess of Sussex has proven it's a total cinch to waltz into Buckingham Palace and never leave. We've graciously waited a week, and now Meghan's old news. It's time to hatch a plan, reports news.com.au.

With William and Harry taken, who's left? Maybe a fringe royal. One who's technically attached to the family tree but whose branch is a fair climb away. That'll do. We're also willing to accept other monarchies.

Next week, NW magazine will probably release a pullout chart featuring the faces of various single princes from around the globe. Hang it above your computer and use a red felt pen to mark it with crosses and circles as your mission develops.

The mission to Meghan Markle the next available prince is a worldwide game. The frontrunner is His Royal Highness Prince Abdul Mateen, the son of the Sultan of Brunei. His family is worth $26 billion but he's just super down to earth and low-key.

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Our wedding dress code: Gold leaf. Photo / Instagram
Our wedding dress code: Gold leaf. Photo / Instagram

After selecting our target, we embark on phase two: initiating contact. Stage two is the most difficult. It's hard to hurl your body over a palace moat without looking mildly desperate.

But once accomplished, it sets into motion stage three of securing an engagement within six months and stage four: #RoyalWedding2019.

A friend of a friend recently shared an expert tactic about marrying upwards. Desperate to secure someone rich, she paddleboarded around to Point Piper — Australia's most wealthy waterfront suburb — and floated in front of the mansions on Wosley Road while swiping away on Tinder.

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It's genius. And I've been moored off the coast of Brunei ever since. See you on the waters.

Discover more

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Meghan's embarrassing moment on her first honeymoon in NZ

26 May 11:25 PM
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TV presenter's racial slur during Royal Wedding coverage

27 May 12:21 AM
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How Meghan healed the wounds between Harry and Charles

27 May 08:36 AM
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Princess Mary brings her husband Prince Frederik to tears

28 May 05:22 AM
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