In the line-up of fearsome things at the Royal Easter Show, Concrete Man is Best in Show.
Concrete Man has weird surreal eyes, Worzel Gummidge hair, and is completely coated in grey, warty paint. He stands still for a long time and lets children shove his arms around. Then he
lurches jerkily at people.
Adults scream and run up the footpath, shouting "freaky" and "scary".
But children follow him, their bravado fuelled by high-octane candy floss and other concoctions.
Concrete Man is a "roaming character", which means any of the 20,000-odd daily visitors to the show could run into him any time, anywhere.
Apparently he is also a visitor to Queen St, but for Easter he was at the Auckland Showgrounds with fellow roamers such as Mr Cleaner, Andy G, Spongebob Squarepants and a look-a-like Jimmy Hendrix.
Walking is hazardous, as is standing still, and only the rollercoaster provides a safe seat.
Over in the livestock-judging areas, the cream of New Zealand's beef cattle, pigs, rabbits and dairy goats are fighting it out for ribbons.
Monday is also the first day of dog trials, and the commentator has introduced Ian and his dog Kiwi.
Ian, apparently, doesn't have vast tracts of land, has not won a lot and is no longer a young buck, but hasn't let this put him off "having a crack".
The commentator keeps up a running spiel of the obvious as Kiwi does his dash.
"Just a bounce of the head and, there, he's made the sheep move."
Then Ian loses his chances of winning this time, too, as Kiwi loses control and the sheep scatter.
"Things have come a bit unstuck," the commentator notes.
"A few points off, but it's not the end of the world."
On the sidelines, parents translate the agricultural colloquialisms for their children.
"Remember Babe, the pig in the movie? Well, that's what he used to do," one mother says.
Things are more sedate inside at the Chinese Calligraphy stall, unless you are artist Bill Chan, who is trying to teach a multitude of children the delicate and tranquil art of fan painting. The sugar-buzz candy is not helping.
Priscilla Chan, the calligraphy instructor, has got off lightly. She's helping Sudarshan Kaur Braich laboriously copy a Chinese spelling of her name onto her fan, painted with plum blossom.
Mrs Braich, who moved to New Zealand from Punjab a year ago, is quite delighted with the result, declares the centuries-old artform "easy" and thinks she will give the fan to her sister.
Show time
Today is the last day of the Royal Easter Show at the Auckland Showgrounds, Greenlane.
On the programme Weber Bros Circus, stage shows Shrek 2, Powderpuff Girls, and the Cadbury Great Bunny Show.
Village Green Performers: Shamus, Kim Potter, Mad Hatters Tea Party, Mr Quirk, Little Red.
6.30pm Classic Family Magic Show.
7pm: Michael Jackson impersonator.
Animals
Sheep 'n Show and Tux Sheep Dog Trials run all day.
9am: Judging of miniature horses and poultry.
Great Northern Sheeplechase sheep races.
Other Kiwi Loggersports woodchopping action.
Want more? www.royaleastershow.co.nz
Prices
Adults: $15
Children (12 and under): $5
Infants (under 2): free
Students/superannuitants: $10
Family of five $30 (inc 2 adults)
'Concrete Man' entertains visitors to the Royal Easter Show yesterday. Picture / Martin Sykes
In the line-up of fearsome things at the Royal Easter Show, Concrete Man is Best in Show.
Concrete Man has weird surreal eyes, Worzel Gummidge hair, and is completely coated in grey, warty paint. He stands still for a long time and lets children shove his arms around. Then he
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