Rhonwyn Newson: Why have parties become tough competition for parents?

Beware of searching for party ideas on Pinterest, you will be amazed and inspired but is it really worth the effort? Photo / iStock

It was nearly midnight the night before my daughter's fourth birthday party. I was on the floor in the lounge surrounded by pools of shimmery material and sequins. There I was, hand-stitching individual mermaid tails to give to each of my daughter's friends - at the time something I considered integral to pull off the "best mermaid" party ever.

How ridiculous. I have no idea what possessed me. Perhaps I was trying to appease some guilt for going back to part-time work, or for spending a lot of time with my younger child. Perhaps it was something my mum had said after taking my niece to a birthday party. "It was so amazing - all the details from the table decorations to the goody bags just matched up perfectly."

"I could do that", I thought. My competitive spirit kicked in and I began researching party ideas for 4-year-old girls.

Here's a helpful hint, folks: DO NOT LOOK UP PARTY IDEAS ON PINTEREST. You will be amazed and inspired by the seemingly easy crafts and themes. The blog posts by super-mums - full of photos and how-to guides - making their children's parties a beautiful and memorable occasion. You will be confronted by cutesy little party-food treats, intricate craft ideas and birthday cakes to astound.

What's worse is they make it look so effortless and inexpensive. But you soon find out that's not the case. You have no idea how much it actually costs to buy metres and metres of organza and taffeta to make 10 bloody mermaid tails. And the time it takes to create these little masterpieces is insane.

The party ended up costing a lot more than we could afford and the result? A tired mum, an overwhelmed preschooler and a lot of budgeting to get back on track. Yes, the party went well and I did receive compliments. But was it worth it? No. I honestly think my child would've been happier with a simple gathering of her friends, some cheerios and some fairy bread. She didn't even try the mermaid cake because it was vanilla, and she had wanted a chocolate cake.

It also occurred to me that I didn't want to raise my daughter to think extravagant events in her honour were the norm. I don't want to be one of those parents raising an entitled brat. I don't believe every kid needs a prize when it comes to pass-the-parcel. Likewise, I don't agree with the practice of handing out medals to every child just for participating in an event. So it troubles me that I got caught up in this Pinterest Party that my kid hadn't even asked for.

Parenting guilt is real - Google the phrase "guilty parent" and it will reveal more than 70 million results. It's encouraging to know that every parent experiences guilt at some point, but it's the way we deal with it that counts. I'm not sure throwing extravagant birthday parties to compensate is the way to go, but you live and you learn. My youngest had a party at our local park, with cheerios and fairy bread. There were no goody bags to take home. It was a lovely afternoon.

- nzherald.co.nz