WE SPENT: $198 for two WE THOUGHT: 12 - Disappointing
You could have performed surgery under those lights. Whipped out a kidney or resected abowel. At Akarana, everyone is in the spotlight.
"Imagine coming here on a first date," said Megan, aghast. I didn't want to sit by the window. Moths, ships, absolutely anything from the eastern suburbs could have crashed into this fluorescent beacon.
There was already a crowd by the "bar". Inverted commas, because really it was just a loose space with leaners and stools and a floor-to-ceiling mustard-beige curtain across the back wall. It reminded me of a convention centre or a hotel banquet room. Was this a post-work drinks crowd or a break-out session at a realtor's conference?
We'd booked but there was no record on the reservations list. No matter, said the lovely maitre d'. He led us to a table serviced by a white plastic chair and a banquette seat upholstered in blue Chux cloth print.
A waitperson arrived soon after and asked what we'd like to drink at the same time as she handed us our first look at the drinks list. It took effort to force my eyebrows back to their natural resting height.
Akarana is new from Nic Watt, the restaurateur behind Masu, True Food & Yoga (closed) and Inca (opening any day now). His name carries cachet - a weight of expectation. So far, I felt more like I was in a flash sports clubroom than an "eatery".
The lamb shank pie at Akarana Eatery. Photo / Getty
I couldn't decide between wood-fired clams or wood-fired arrow squid but no matter, because neither was available. Roast garlic rosemary sourdough pizza ($12) had a suitably bubbly and charred top but was too dry to enjoy on its own. A burrata ($22) helped and it would have helped more if the mozzarella pouch had been as cream-filled as diners who eat at Amano et al have come to expect.
My dinner date was the mostly vegetarian who eats a little seafood. There was very little seafood in the $19 gummy-centred mussel fritters, so she was happy. Her half portion of fish and chips was terrific. Shoestring fries and a crispy tempura-ish batter encasing flakey, moist blue warehou ($18) was definitely the dish of the night.
I ordered the lambshank pie. It was a wallet-gouging $28 and the under-cooked pastry lid gave way to what I can describe only as meat soup. Chunks of lamb were tender and flavoursome but this was not a pie by the standard definition. I asked for a spoon (although a straw might have been more appropriate - maybe I was supposed to suck it through the bloody great bone sticking out the top?) and was thankful for the lip on my plate that kept the broth from my lap. There was actual gravy. A sticky thick jus that I really wasn't sure what to do with, given the surfeit of liquid I was already dealing with.
Yes, we had the red snapper buffalo wings ($18 for three). No, there was no sauce (hot, blue cheese or otherwise). Make it stop, I thought, when the cos lettuce hearts with truffle dressing ($12) turned out to be weirdly acidic and contained nuts that weren't listed on the menu.
"Are you finished there?" asked the waitperson. "Yes, thank you," I replied and asked for the dessert menu. She left without clearing a dinner plate. She came back with the menus and left (again) without clearing a dinner plate.
Baked lemon cheesecake. Pavlova with tamarillos. Chocolate and raspberry fondant. The only nod to modernity was the $12 price tag on the Kohu Road icecream and sorbet selection. The cheesecake ($14) was fine. It would have been better with craft icecream.
Akarana is part of the first phase of the new Hyundai Marine Sports Centre development, which will ultimately be home to seven different sport and recreational bodies. If the building is a work in progress, then so, I hope, is the restaurant.
It opened in early September to much social media fanfare. Over and over again I saw a photograph of the chicken liver paté, in which the paté is rolled into balls that are nestled in the grids of a waffle. Gorgeous, I thought. Only later did I wonder: How are you supposed to eat that Insta-pretty flat-lay?
Akarana is a restaurant that looks great on paper. It comes with a big name and a waterfront location. The flounder is from Kaipara Harbour, the clams are from Cloudy Bay and everything that should be free range is. Maybe it will be much lovelier at lunch? In the daytime, you'll be able to see the sea and maybe the bread rolls and morning tea slices in the glass counter cabinet will make more sense than they did at 8.45pm. Or maybe "organic chicken and sage boerewors-style" ($30 from the wood-fire oven) will still be a sausage by any other name?
