Real Life: Judy Bailey on how we overcome loneliness as we get older

Broadcaster Judy Bailey appears in the Newstalk ZB studio with host Francesca Rudkin. Photo / Jason Oxenham

Legendary former newsreader Judy Bailey says “it’s okay to fake it ‘til you make it” in an effort to stave off loneliness later in life.

The 71-year-old – whose book Evolving, about finding happiness and health later in life, has just been released – says research is clear about the importance of good relationships as you age.

In an interview with Newstalk ZB’s Real Life with John Cowan on Sunday night, the veteran broadcaster said while it can be intimidating to form new relationships at an older age, it’s worth taking a leap of faith.

“Often people are very shy. I’m particularly shy, and find it difficult to go to new places on my own and be in a big crowd of people who know each other.

“But as I’m fond of saying to my own kids and grandchildren, it’s okay to fake it until you make it. You just take that first step.

“Maybe you join an exercise class and just go along. You don’t have to talk to anybody, just go along and do the exercises and then just keep going back week after week and you get familiar with people.

“Then suddenly someone will say, ‘why don’t we all go for coffee?’ Before you know it, you’re in a group.”

Bailey told Cowan forming new relationships later in life is sometimes a matter of “putting on your big girl pants and getting out there”.

“A mate of mine moved to a different area of the country, and she wrote on Facebook ‘I’m new here. Does anybody feel like a cup of coffee?’ She got about 100 replies.”

In the process of writing Evolving, it’s become clear to Bailey how “absolutely critical” high-quality relationships are – and on the flip side, just how dangerous loneliness can be.

“Loneliness affects the brain in the same way that hunger does,” she said. “It’s well documented as being as dangerous for us as smoking 15 cigarettes a day – and we all know how dangerous smoking is.”

Bailey has become fascinated by societies in which the average life expectancy is high – the likes of Okinawa in Japan and Sardinia in Italy. One of the key components in these places is, of course, the sense of community, alongside regular physical activity and a sense of spirituality.

'Loneliness affects the brain in the same way that hunger does,' Judy Bailey says. Photo / Jason Oxenham

Asked whether she was spiritual herself, Bailey said she’s “still searching, but I do find myself drawn to thinking about more spiritual matters now”.

“There’s a thing called gerotranscendence, and it’s about how you become less materialistic as you get older and more interested in where you come from, your roots, your ancestors, and passing on your values to the next generation. I think that’s a wonderful focus for older people.

“None of the older people I know are narrow-minded or fusty and if anything, they are seeking more. And that’s another pillar of ageing well: to keep learning, to keep being curious about life.”

Real Life is a weekly interview show where John Cowan speaks with prominent guests about their life, upbringing, and the way they see the world. Tune in Sundays from 7:30pm on Newstalk ZB or listen to the latest full interview here.