"It's made from blue satin with pastel flowers, multi-coloured tulle and has a blue satin train," the statement explained.
"And before you ask — yes, I had to consult one of our very capable administration officers to assist me with that description."
There mustn't be a whole lot of crime happening up in Cairns, because police are now searching for the runaway bride they believe may have suffered cold feet and skipped out at the last minute.
Police have urged anyone with information on a indecisive bride or a wedding dress theft to get in touch.
"We don't know what sequins of events led to the dress being discovered," the statement claimed.
"Will the dress's discovery add to a bodice of evidence supporting a stealing offence?
"Or will it sadly end up resulting in an applique-tio n to dispose of it as unclaimed property?"
We think the statement alone is a masterpiece and the world needs more of them.