NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Herald NOW
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
  • Herald NOW
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Politics
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Herald NOW
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / Lifestyle

Prince Harry on the death of his mother: 'I shut down my emotions for almost two decades'

By Hannah Furness
Daily Telegraph UK·
16 Apr, 2017 09:30 PM7 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

At an event to promote his mental health charity, Heads Together, Prince Harry has discussed his regret over not talking earlier about Princess Diana's death.

Prince Harry has disclosed that he sought counselling after enduring two years of "total chaos" while still struggling in his late twenties to come to terms with the death of his mother.

The Prince told the Daily Telegraph that he "shut down all his emotions" for almost two decades after losing his mother, Diana, Princess of Wales, despite his brother, Prince William, trying to persuade him to seek help.

Disclosing that he has spoken to a professional about his mental health, he describes how he only began to address his grief when he was 28 after feeling "on the verge of punching someone" and facing anxiety during royal engagements.

Describing the "quite serious effect" that losing his mother had on his personal and professional life, he tells how living in the public eye left him feeling he could be "very close to a complete breakdown on numerous occasions".

The Prince, now 32, turned to counsellors and even took up boxing. He says he is now in "a good place".

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Prince Harry has decided to give an unprecedented insight into his past in the hope it will encourage people to break the stigma surrounding mental health issues.

He has spoken to Telegraph writer Bryony Gordon for the first episode of her podcast Mad World in which she will interview high-profile guests about their mental health experiences.

The 30-minute conversation is one of the most candid insights into the innermost thoughts of a modern young member of the Royal family. The Prince, together with his brother and sister-in-law, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, have set up Heads Together, a charity which promotes good mental well-being.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Prince Harry, who was 12 when his mother died, says in the podcast that he spent his teenage years and twenties determined not to think about her.

"I can safely say that losing my mum at the age of 12, and therefore shutting down all of my emotions for the last 20 years, has had a quite serious effect on not only my personal life but my work as well," he said.

"I have probably been very close to a complete breakdown on numerous occasions when all sorts of grief and sort of lies and misconceptions and everything are coming to you from every angle."

Prince Harry (centre) speaks with staff volunteers and associated partners on a training course at the Leicestershire Aids Support Service in Leicester. Photo/AP
Prince Harry (centre) speaks with staff volunteers and associated partners on a training course at the Leicestershire Aids Support Service in Leicester. Photo/AP

Asked whether he had been to see a ''shrink'' to offload his thoughts, he said: "I've done that a couple of times, more than a couple of times, but it's great."

Discover more

Royals

Prince Harry's big move with girlfriend

27 Mar 07:38 PM
Royals

Meghan's sister releasing tell-all book

02 Apr 10:10 PM
Royals

Snack the Queen cannot travel without

05 Apr 04:33 AM
Royals

Meghan Markle shuts down blog

07 Apr 09:01 PM

The Prince admitted that at times he had struggled with aggression and turned to boxing as an outlet for his frustration.

"During those years I took up boxing, because everyone was saying boxing is good for you and it's a really good way of letting out aggression," he said.

"And that really saved me because I was on the verge of punching someone, so being able to punch someone who had pads was certainly easier."

He eventually sought support with the encouragement of his brother and others close to him, who told him: "Look, you really need to deal with this. It is not normal to think that nothing has affected you."

I have probably been very close to a complete breakdown on numerous occasions

Since learning to talk honestly about his feelings, he said, he now feels able to put "blood, sweat and tears" into making a difference for others.

"The experience I have had is that once you start talking about it, you realise that actually you're part of quite a big club," he said. Later this year, the Prince and the Duke will commemorate the 20th anniversary of their mother's death, commissioning a statue and presenting awards in her name to honour "kindness, compassion and service".

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Prince Harry said of his loss: "My way of dealing with it was sticking my head in the sand, refusing to ever think about my mum, because why would that help?

"[I thought] it's only going to make you sad, it's not going to bring her back.

"So from an emotional side, I was like 'right, don't ever let your emotions be part of anything'.

Princess Diana.
Princess Diana.

"So I was a typical 20, 25, 28-year-old running around going 'life is great', or 'life is fine' and that was exactly it.

"And then [I] started to have a few conversations and actually all of a sudden, all of this grief that I have never processed started to come to the forefront and I was like, there is actually a lot of stuff here that I need to deal with."

He said he now counts himself very lucky that it was "only two years ... of total chaos" before he learnt how to talk about it. "I just couldn't put my finger on it," he said. "I just didn't know what was wrong with me."

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Even at royal engagements, he said, he had found himself battling a "flight or fight" reaction without properly understanding why. Once he started opening up to friends, he added, he found those same friends felt able to "unravel their own issues".

Dismissing previous speculation he may have suffered mental health issues because of his time in Afghanistan, he said he felt clear that coping with the death of his mother on a very public platform had the greatest impact.

I just didn't know what was wrong with me

"I can safely say it's not Afghanistan-related. I'm not one of those guys that has had to see my best mate blown up next to me and have to apply a tourniquet to both their legs. Luckily, thank God, I wasn't one of those people."

Prince Harry said his work with the personnel recovery unit, where he listened to wounded, injured and sick servicemen and women talk about serious mental health issues, had proved a turning point in his understanding. "I know there is huge merit in talking about your issues and the only thing about keeping it quiet is that it's only ever going to make it worse," he said.

"Not just for you but everybody else around you as well because you become a problem. I, through a lot of my twenties, was a problem and I didn't know how to deal with it."

On eventually seeking help, the Prince said: "It's all about timing. And for me personally, my brother, you know, bless him, he was a huge support to me. He kept saying this is not right, this is not normal, you need to talk to [someone] about stuff, it's OK.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

"The timing wasn't right. You need to feel it in yourself, you need to find the right person to talk to as well."

Prince Harry leaves after meeting representatives of the Yes You Can personal development project, which works to help under-performing Year 8 pupils. Photo/AP
Prince Harry leaves after meeting representatives of the Yes You Can personal development project, which works to help under-performing Year 8 pupils. Photo/AP

But he added: "I can't encourage people enough to just have that conversation because you will be surprised firstly, how much support you get and secondly, how many people literally are longing for you to come out."

Confessing he was "a little nervous, a little tight in the chest" about the interview, the Prince said he was determined to make a difference while the younger members of the Royal family are "still interesting" to the public, doing his bit before Prince George, Princess Charlotte and any of his own future children step into the spotlight.

Of his current focus on mental health, he said: "What we are trying to do is normalise the conversation to the point where anyone can sit down and have a coffee and just go 'you know what, I've had a really s*** day, can I just tell about it? Because then you walk away and it's done." He is now in a good place.

"Because of the process I have been through over the past two and a half years, I've now been able to take my work seriously, been able to take my private life seriously as well, and been able to put blood, sweat and tears into the things that really make a difference and things that I think will make a difference to everybody else."

Save

    Share this article

Latest from Lifestyle

Premium
Lifestyle

Society Insider: Property titan’s luxury car storage club; Eric Watson’s son launches MDMA business; polo power couple’s fab life

18 Jun 05:00 PM
Lifestyle

Watch: Monteith’s Wild Food Challenge final returns to Auckland after 11 year hiatus

18 Jun 06:32 AM
Premium
Lifestyle

How healthy is chicken breast?

18 Jun 06:00 AM

Sponsored: Embrace the senses

sponsored
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from Lifestyle

Premium
Society Insider: Property titan’s luxury car storage club; Eric Watson’s son launches MDMA business; polo power couple’s fab life

Society Insider: Property titan’s luxury car storage club; Eric Watson’s son launches MDMA business; polo power couple’s fab life

18 Jun 05:00 PM

Plus, Beauden Barrett's new side hustle.

Watch: Monteith’s Wild Food Challenge final returns to Auckland after 11 year hiatus

Watch: Monteith’s Wild Food Challenge final returns to Auckland after 11 year hiatus

18 Jun 06:32 AM
Premium
How healthy is chicken breast?

How healthy is chicken breast?

18 Jun 06:00 AM
Premium
I thought I was a ‘moderate’ drinker until I started tracking my alcohol

I thought I was a ‘moderate’ drinker until I started tracking my alcohol

18 Jun 12:00 AM
Help for those helping hardest-hit
sponsored

Help for those helping hardest-hit

NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP