Prince Harry arrives for the statue unveiling on what would have been Princess Diana's 60th birthday on July 1, 2021. Losing his mother at age 12 was a discussion point in his session with Dr Gabor Maté. Photo / AP
Prince Harry arrives for the statue unveiling on what would have been Princess Diana's 60th birthday on July 1, 2021. Losing his mother at age 12 was a discussion point in his session with Dr Gabor Maté. Photo / AP
Prince Harry has candidly said he and Meghan are “not making friends” in an interview with a trauma therapist.
The Duke’s fireside zoom chat with Dr Gabor Maté, is the latest interview the Sussexes have done delving into their relationship and the royal family.
It comes as relations between BuckinghamPalace and the Sussexes are at rock bottom after the couple were turfed out of their UK home of Frogmore Cottage and there is uncertainty as to whether Harry and Meghan will attend the King’s coronation in May.
Prince Harry said he 'felt slightly different' to the rest of the royal family. Photo / AP
Residents of the US, Canada and the UK could tune into the therapy session for $60 each which included a free copy of the book Spare.
It had been billed as an “intimate conversation as (the pair) discuss living with loss and the importance of personal healing”.
During the session, Prince Harry said he “felt slightly different” to the rest of the royal family, that he didn’t consider himself a “victim” and that he “smothers” his children with love because of a lack of affection he said he received from his father.
The veteran of Afghanistan touched on more controversial grounds saying some people in the British Army “didn’t agree” with the military conflict.
Extraordinarily, Dr Maté also decided to “diagnose” Harry with ADD which left the prince bemused.
Maté, the author of The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture, pinned his colours to team Harry immediately by suggesting there were only two groups of people. There were those who hadn’t read his memoir Spare who were “resentful” towards him and those that did who were “grateful” to him for sharing his story.
“Since the age of 12, apart from being in a state of shock, I was in fight or flight,” the prince told Maté in the session which was filmed in the Sussex’s Montecito house.
Harry was 12 when Diana died.
Princess Diana holds Harry in 1987 during a trip to Spain. Photo / AP
“I certainly have felt throughout my life from my younger years that I always felt slightly different to the rest of my family. I felt strange being in this container. And I know that my mum felt the same.”
‘Not making friends’
Mate asked Harry about an excerpt from Spare about how he found out about his mother’s death. Harry wrote his father touched his knee and then left his room to deal with the heartbreak.
The Hungarian-Canadian author added how Charles himself had a distant relationship with his mother, the Queen.
“What is the lack of holding and touching and cuddling in this family and it’s obviously multi-generational?” he asked.
“It puts me in a position now as a father to make sure that I smother them with love and affection,” replied Harry.
Camilla, Prince Charles and Queen Elizabeth II on the balcony of Buckingham Palace, 2022. Photo / AP
“As a father I have a huge responsibility to ensure that I don’t pass on any traumas that I’ve had as a kid or as a man growing up”.
But he said trying to rid himself of his “traumas” could be alienating.
“Me and my wife do the best we can as parents, learning from our own pasts and being able to grow together to provide for our kids and to be able to break that cycle.
“And it’s not easy, and you certainly don’t make friends in the process in the short term.”
Harry ‘diagnosed’ with ADD
Maté told Harry that after reading Spare he came up with “as a clinician … several diagnoses” for him.
“Whether you like it or not, I have diagnosed you with ADD. You can agree or disagree.
“I don’t see it as a disease. I see it as a normal response to abnormal stress.”
Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADD) is a childhood condition that can last into adulthood where there can be difficultly paying attention and impulsive behaviours.
Prince Harry, seemingly stunned, initially just said “OK”.
With his new book, The Myth of Normal, it's clear why Gabor Maté’s talk with the Duke may offer a healing opportunity before the Coronation. Photo / Getty Images
And then asked “should I accept that or should I look into it?”
“You can do what you want with it,” said the therapist.
But he insisted multiple times that he was not a “victim”.
“I definitely don’t see myself as a victim.
“I get a huge amount of healing by helping others. I don’t know if that was my purpose but it was the way I was brought up.
“I know how important it is sharing stories, how you can save a life and you can improve lives because you’re almost giving permission for people to talk about their own stuff,” he said.
Many ‘didn’t agree or disagree’ with war
Maté asked about Harry’s military service in Afghanistan but before the prince could answer told him that he could not “pretend” that the “West’s invasion” of the nation was “all okay”.
Harry said some in the military disagreed with the conflict.
“One of the reasons why suddenly so many people in the United Kingdom were not supportive of our troops was because they assumed that everybody that was serving was for the war.
“But once you sign up you do what you’re told to do, so there was a lot of us that didn’t necessarily agree or disagree, but you were doing what you were trained to do.”
Harry also said he had taken a “crash course” in racism.
“To experience what I and my wife has experienced was pretty shocking.
“I was surprised and I was naive. I think what people don’t understand that it is the pain that it causes to an individual is huge. But the pain that it causes to society is also immense.
“I’ve made my own mistakes in the past which I own in a way I’m grateful for those experiences, because I had to take accountability for it. Because I didn’t I didn’t know that I had this unconscious bias.”
