Primetime tips for the Prime Minister

Our panel of experts - the best minds found in the Herald tearoom - reflect on what television is really there for and give the PM some TV tips.


Yes Prime Minister, as much as some of us hate to admit it and despite your comments to an Aussie paper this week, there are some things worth watching on New Zealand television. You just don't seem to be getting good advice about what to see. Our panel will put you right.

THE APPOINTMENT VIEWER


My mother tells the story of watching me as a baby crawl across the living-room floor towards this new piece of technology, and observing to my older siblings that I would never know life without television. And she was largely right.

Not only did I grow up with television, but unlike my more bookish contemporaries, who despair of me, I love it. But I have to say in recent times my devotion is being sorely tested. No more so than on the afternoon that I am writing this, knowing I am about to go home and face a Wednesday night without Ally McBeal - one of the few shows for grown-ups to come out of America in recent years that doesn't take itself seriously, doesn't pretend to be real life, pricks the political correctness balloon, and with its quirky special effects has fun with the medium.

Favourite treat on Monday nights is Superhuman. Taking viewers inside the human body is something only television can do. And the compellingly told detail of what we now know about how our bodies work is mind-blowing.

If it's an indoor type of Sunday I can't resist a bit of afternoon indulgence with Northern Exposure. Okay, so it's quirky and folksy, but why it has to be in such a ghettoised timeslot escapes me.

After that, I get pretty nationalistic about my viewing. Most things made in New Zealand about New Zealanders warrant sampling and many hold my attention be they local documentaries, in-depth current affairs programmes, and even the plethora of gardening, interior decorating and real-estate shows. Perhaps because nothing is more universal in our experience than real estate. And nothing is more seductive than stories about ourselves.

- Jan Corbett

THE TV ONE FAITHFUL


I don't watch much TV. Honestly.

A combination of laziness, a love of reading and habitual early rising does not lend itself to regular evening viewing. Add to this an inability to drive the video recorder, a full-time job and residence in a beautiful but televisually challenged part of Auckland, and the problem is compounded.

However, when the social whirl permits, herewith are some things I do watch:

(1) One News at 6 pm on Saturdays and Sundays. TV One is the channel best received in my beautiful but etc etc (see earlier paragraphs) and a news fix is essential at the weekend.

(2) Coronation Street. I watch this whenever possible, and have done for the past 30 years. It is comfort food for the eyes, pixelated mashed potato if you like. The characters become part of one's life. Sad, really. But I'm hanging out to see how Sarah-Louise copes with her baby, and whether or not the seriously self-righteous Sally can refrain from telling Gail about Martin's indiscretions.

3) Montana Sunday Theatre. One of the best places to find Quality British Drama. Not always the case, of course, but the chance to watch gems like Lost for Words, with the incomparable Dame Thora Hird, make MST worth a look every week. Even though Lost for Words screened more than a year ago, the memory of its beauty, simplicity and pathos moves me still.

- Phoebe Falconer

THE YOUNG BLOKE


Helen Clark says she hardly watches anything on New Zealand television. Proof indeed that our Prime Minister is in denial. She might have a point in saying there's nothing worth watching on New Zealand television, but that's different to having the discipline to stop herself from watching it.

I'm sure she sits down with a glass of chardonnay on a Saturday night to watch Sinead O'Connor clips on TV One's RTR-for-the middle-aged Music Week while Peter whips up a curry.

Apparently, Helen Clark's TV shows only archived episodes of Backch@t and video-taped footage of herself on the TV news. But after the identity crisis in Brunei, she might be getting some tips from Search for a Supermodel. But you can't tell me she doesn't watch The West Wing - after all, it's the closest she will get to the White House.

She clearly has her highbrow blinkers on and has forgotten the old Kiwi adage: Don't knock it until you try it.

Perhaps it's time for a decent dose of the common touch? The people of fictional Jacksons Wharf are about as realistic as her fancy Kingsland cafe set, but I still suggest Helen Clark takes the edge off a Friday night by sitting down in front of the TV with a KFC quarter-pack while she waits for her mates to bring some beers round.

One would also think she would take some solace from a dose of our homegrown Real TV programmes - proof that there really is no need to worry about the brain drain, all the innovators are still right here and their ideas just get better and better.

OK, maybe she has a bit of a point but whatever happened to sticking up for New Zealand?

I'm sure Helen Clark has seen plenty of dodgy Kauri coffee-tables but she doesn't head over the ditch and tell the Aussies that she hates our cabinetmaking industry.

Even Shortland Street - in my eyes New Zealand's most powerful opinion leader - is struggling and could probably do with the Prime Minister tuning in.

- Patrick Gower

THE FAMILY GUY


The 3.50 am alarm goes off. This had better be worth it. Usually only one sport gets me up at this hour, rugby union, which is also on this morning but at a more civilised hour.

It's the World Cup of rugby league and the Kiwis are doing us proud. Having dispatched those strongholds of the sport, Lebanon, Cook Islands and Wales, England were going to be a true test. But no. Before the cup of tea's made we're ahead and stay there. Benchmark it this weekend in the real test, the final.

Two hours' kip and back before the box for the ABs. Bad coverage (again), poor sound, no buildup or aftermatch interviews. But live rugby: unmissable.

Children dictate your viewing, and you theirs. "No, you can't watch The Matrix on Sky Movies," the 10-year-old is told, even if the kids say it's cool. So it's scrutinised for explicit sex and over-the-top violence. It's got none of the former, plenty of the latter, great FX and a storyline. He's mature (rated M) enough to watch the video. Sky 3, Free-to-air 0.

What we watch weekdays - when it's not Wiggles for the little ones, it's Pokemon and Dragonball Z for the older ones, who give Cartoon Network a thrashing when they're left alone.

When adult hands reach for the video it's eclectic to say the least. The Nanny (why do I like this? It's not Holmes and she has the same accent as Archie Bunker with better legs), Seinfeld (I never watch classic series the first time round), Ally McBeal (gone now, but some of the best toilet humour) for American comedy. The Sopranos for drama and Queer Nation for downhome reality. Nothing on TV4? No, there's Monty Python on Thursdays, a genuine favourite with all the family. Watch the kids split their sides the same way you did.

- James Gardiner