By EWAN McDONALD
(Herald rating: * * * )
Wish I'd said this, but since he got there first we must credit this pearler of a summation to the American movie critic, Roger Ebert: "Pearl Harbor is a two-hour movie squeezed into three hours, about how on December 7, 1941, the Japanese
staged a surprise attack on an American love triangle.
"Its centrepiece is 40 minutes of redundant special effects, surrounded by a love story of stunning banality. The filmmakers seem to have aimed the film at an audience that may not have heard of Pearl Harbor, or perhaps even of the Second World War."
Which comes through: the noise you hear will be audiences on the other side of the world, or the Atlantic, grinding their teeth at lines like, "World War II started today." Especially when they're delivered by an Englishwoman.
Two sides of that love triangle are childhood friends, Rafe McCawley (Ben Affleck) and Danny Walker (Josh Hartnett). They enter the Army Air Corps and fall in love with the same nurse, Evelyn Johnson (Kate Beckinsale). First Rafe, then Danny after Rafe goes to fly in the Battle of Britain and is reported dead.
An embarrassingly alive Rafe returns to Hawaii — conveniently, for plot purposes — a few days before the Japanese attack Pearl Harbor. He is angry at Evelyn for falling in love with Danny, and at Danny for vice versa, but all will be forgiven as the two lone fliers battle a conservatively estimated 300 Japanese fighters during the air raid. Evelyn is a heroine, sacrificing her lipstick to identify which of the wounded should be treated and which left to die.
Our lovers' story is not over. There is one more mission for our brave lads to fly ...
Call me cynical, but is this schlock what we mean when we say, "We will remember them"?
Rental video, DVD: Today
• DVD features: Music video by Faith Hill; bonus documentary; introduction by Michael Bay; documentary on real-life Pearl Harbor veterans, including cast interviews.
