Opinion: We judge other women on their motives, not their actions

'If a woman is freezing her wrinkles to get ahead in her career then bully for her'. Photo / 123RF

OPINION:

Any woman reading this will know that we have an unconscious (OK, sometimes conscious) rating system for our fellow females.

We score them on various fronts, starting with whether or not they have had cosmetic 'work', and now a study has suggested that women judge those who have had procedures such as Botox more harshly if they're doing it to attract a partner. This makes sense, of course. If a woman is freezing her wrinkles to get ahead in her career (take Sharon Osbourne, say) then bully for her, we're right behind her in beating that age discrimination ceiling. But if they're going under the needle to help them look hotter than their peers, not so much.

This is because women are all about motives - for us it's not what other women do but why they're doing it. And if the impulse is competitive, unsisterly or - God forbid - toxic, we take a dim view.

Here are some other examples:

Making a massive effort on holiday

Making a massive effort in any circumstances where we have not officially all agreed to make a massive effort is irritating enough, but on holiday it's much worse because you can't escape (run home and get your Spanx). The deal is you're all supposed to be in full relaxation mode. (PS: we're actually too old to give a stuff about this but there was a time when it was a thing).

Nicking our favourite holiday rental/nanny/best friend

Add to the list as you see appropriate. For some women it's the copied kitchen plan, or the third child's name that turns out to be the same as the one they had picked (and they had definitely mentioned it). The deal is, don't steal, unless it's those wax jeans in Zara, in which case fine.

Being the sort of mother whose children hug her whenever they come into the room (thereby making the other mothers feel like loathsome failures)

We're particularly unfond of women who like to show off their special maternal bond, eg 'Oh look, Freddie sent me a handmade card and now an "I love you Mama" message'. Be a good mother and leave us out of it, is roughly how we feel. We're also suspicious of Freddie's motives by the way. He's 32.

Having astonishingly good taste

To be fair, there are plenty of women with astonishingly good taste who are happy to share it around (usually the poor things are well aware that they're puncturing the self-esteem of every woman they come across and will fall over themselves to share their secrets). However, there are the smug tasties who will turn up looking like the young Greta Scacchi and then pretend they can't remember where they bought their really cool top. This lot are also dishonest about their beauty regimes, obviously.

Women who say "dermatologist" when they mean "plastic surgeon"

And are still pretending (to men) they don't dye their blonde hair. And who really eats nothing despite insisting they had a ton of chips earlier when no-one was there to witness it? This sort of thing makes us feel like accessories to a cult based on deceit and we want no part of it.

Women who make out we don't GET our husbands

You know her. She's the one who tells you flattering things she has observed about your husband in his earshot in the spirit of 'and you just can't see it'. Bleurgh.