Opinion: The Queen needs her non-royal support group more than ever

Royals have, famously, long outlived their subjects. When the Duke of Edinburgh died in April, at the age of 99, research found that monarchs and their spouses since the Victorian age had tended to live 30 years longer on average than the rest of the population. Good genes and a life of privilege saw Queen Victoria live to 81 at a time when life expectancy for women was just 41.

Yet there is a distinct disadvantage to longevity; as the Queen, like her husband before her, has found, living well into your nineties means saying goodbye to many loyal and long-standing friends.

The recent death of Lady Farnham, a confidante so close to the 95-year-old monarch that she rode beside her on the way to the Diamond Jubilee service in 2012 after Prince Philip was hospitalised, has ended an already difficult year for the Queen on an ever sadder note.

If 1992 was the original annus horribilis, then Harry and Meghan's Oprah interview, the death of her husband and the scandal around Prince Andrew's relationship with Jeffrey Epstein made 2021 another year the Queen will hardly look back on with "undiluted pleasure".

As the Queen's Lady of the Bedchamber since 1987, Lady Farnham was one of a trusted retinue of right-hand women on whom the entire royal household depended. Having supported the Queen on official duties for more than four decades, she was one of a tight-knit team of ladies-in-waiting.

The death of Lady Farnham on December 29, at the age of 90, came mere weeks after the passing of another close confidante, the Duchess of Grafton.

Ann Fortune FitzRoy served as the Queen's Mistress of the Robes from 1967 until her death, on December 3, at the age of 101. Having first become Lady of the Bedchamber in 1953, shortly after the Coronation, she had been a palace presence throughout the Queen's nearly 70-year reign.

In 1980, she was appointed Dame Grand Cross (GCVO) in the Birthday Honours, one of the highest personal awards the Queen can bestow. Similarly, Lady Farnham was appointed Dame Commander, Royal Victorian Order (DCVO), in 2010, recognising her distinguished personal service to the monarch.

As one royal insider put it: "We are all so sad for the Queen. It has not been a good year for HM at all, losing her husband and then two of her ladies-in-waiting in less than a month.

"She was close to both the Duchess of Grafton and Lady Farnham. People are mistaken to think of these ladies-in-waiting as servants. They are better described as members of the aristocracy who, after decades supporting the Queen in her official duties, became her friends.

"It feels like the end of an era now they are both gone. But, as the Duke used to say, the trouble with growing old is that you outlive a lot of the people you care about."

According to Christopher Joll, military and royal historian: "These ladies – technically the Queen's (or the Queen Consort's) Ladies and Women of the Bedchamber – were initially political appointments. However, by the reign of King Edward VII, the role had been depoliticised and they were either the daughters or the wives of prominent members of the aristocracy. They weren't necessarily appointed because they were friends of the Queen, but because they were ladies of the appropriate rank.

"Nonetheless, because of their close proximity to their 'employer' some of them became friends, especially those who had served for decades."

But interestingly, the present Queen's principal confidantes are probably her dresser, Angela Kelly, and her groom, Terry Pendry, who in the hierarchy of the Royal Household are classed as servants. This intimacy arises because while ladies-in-waiting do not spend much time on the other side of the door into the Private Apartments, or ride out with their employer in the park, servants do.

Ms Kelly, 64, whose official title is Personal Assistant, Adviser and Curator to Her Majesty The Queen (Jewellery, Insignias and Wardrobe), is so close to the Queen that the monarch once remarked to the Liverpudilian docker's daughter: "We could be sisters."

Mr Pendry, who has held the role of Stud Groom and Manager to Her Majesty The Queen, at The Royal Mews, Windsor Castle, for more than 25 years, is another figure with whom the Queen communicates on an almost daily basis. Until she recently had to temporarily give up riding owing to an ongoing back problem, the pair would regularly be seen out riding in Windsor Great Park together.

Royals tend to outlive their subjects, writes Camilla Tominey. Photo / AP

Then there is Paul Whybrew, 64, the Page of the Backstairs – or personal page – who has worked for the Queen for decades. It was "Tall Paul", who is 6ft 4in, who spoke to Michael Fagan when he broke into the Queen's bedroom at Buckingham Palace in 1982.

The Duchess of Grafton's role as Mistress of the Robes remains vacant following her death – and it seems unlikely that Lady Farnham will be replaced, with the Queen turning 96 in April.

Yet with the Platinum Jubilee approaching in June – not to mention the ongoing fallout from the Epstein saga and Prince Harry's autobiography due in the autumn – the Queen is going to need all the support she can get.

Of course, she will always rely on family first, with the Prince of Wales, the Duchess of Cornwall and the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge expected to "step up" even further in the wake of the Duke of Edinburgh's death, along with the Earl and Countess of Wessex.

But Her Majesty will also increasingly rely on her remaining ladies-in-waiting – as well as the loyal and longstanding servants that formed part of "HMS Bubble" during the pandemic.

Lady Susan Hussey, 82, described in some circles as "number one head girl", will continue to assist the Queen on official duties. The wife of Marmaduke Hussey, Baron Hussey of North Bradley, who died in 2006, Lady Susan rode alongside the Queen on the way to Prince Philip's funeral at St George's Chapel, Windsor Castle, last April. So intimate is the bond between Lady Susan and the royals, she is Prince William's godmother.

Another lady-in-waiting who will play a key role over the coming year is Dame Mary Morrison, 85, who has been Woman of the Bedchamber since 1960, the year of Prince Andrew's birth.

So, too, will a more recent addition, Susan Rhodes, who was appointed as a lady-in-waiting in 2017, following the death of her mother-in-law Margaret, the Queen's cousin and one of her closest confidantes. Margaret, who passed away aged 91 in 2016, was also one of the Queen's bridesmaids when she married Prince Philip in 1947.

In 2017, the Queen also appointed Lady Elizabeth Leeming, her first cousin once removed, to become a trusted companion.

Other ladies-in-waiting include Richenda Elton, The Lady Elton, 84, and The Hon Mrs Whitehead, Annabel Whitehead, 78, previously a lady-in-waiting to Princess Margaret, Countess of Snowdon.

Similarly, two of the Queen Mother's former ladies-in-waiting, Jennifer Gibbs and Phillipa de Pass, are also on the "rota" to support the Queen in her official duties.

As she comes to mark her 70th year on the throne, having bade farewell to a number of her nearest and dearest, it seems the Queen's remaining "court" has never played a more crucial role.