NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Herald NOW
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
  • Herald NOW
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Politics
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Herald NOW
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / Lifestyle

Opinion: Fashion rules for midlife - no denim, no 'fun' shirts

The Times
29 Nov, 2021 08:15 PM4 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

    Reminder, this is a Premium article and requires a subscription to read.

Men over 40 shouldn't wear denim or 'fun' shirts, writes Matt Rudd. Photo / Getty Images

Men over 40 shouldn't wear denim or 'fun' shirts, writes Matt Rudd. Photo / Getty Images

Opinion

OPINION:

At a friend's house a few weeks ago and the conversation snowballed quickly.

"I like your shirt," said Harriet to the friend, even though it was a palpably awful shirt — white, yes, but with a stripe of pineapples down its buttons.

"Thanks," said the friend, pleased.

"You should wear shirts like that," said Harriet to me.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Other guests looked at me and my shirt, which did not have any pineapples on it.

"You do dress rather … conservatively," said the friend.

Murmurs of agreement.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

"And look at those trousers," chipped in a younger but still fully grown man in jeans.

The trousers were, to my mind, just the right side of maroon. Not red. I know not to wear red trousers. I'm not an idiot. But what's wrong with maroon?

Discover more

Lifestyle

The truth about cosmetic surgery in New Zealand

25 Nov 08:00 PM
Lifestyle

Logo dressing is back: Here's how it's done

09 Nov 10:50 PM
Lifestyle

Hello high heels, the stiletto is back

02 Mar 06:00 AM
Lifestyle

The cotton tote crisis

26 Aug 07:00 AM

"They're a bit dull," said the youngest friend in the room in his head-to-toe leisurewear.

It was as if the whole thing had been planned — a fashion intervention from people who were worried about me. If it had been less of an onslaught I could have resisted it. I could have explained that middle-aged men trying to dress like they're not middle-aged never works. I could have told the grown man in jeans what my father told me on my 18th birthday — "You're an adult now, my boy …" (I don't think he said "my boy" but I would have laid it on thick for effect) "… My boy, it's up to you now, but three things I want you to remember: never ride a motorbike, never wear denim over the age of 40 and never end a sentence with a preposition." Advice by which I have lived.

But the co-ordinated sartorial ambush had its effect and the next day I found myself casting around the cooler corners of the internet. I noted that binman chic appeared to be the look of the moment, so I one-click-purchased a beanie, some "fun" shirts with things on them, skinny jeans and trainers. When they arrived I tried them on, convinced myself the makeover was a huge success and then quickly took them off again.

A few fewer weeks ago I took my new look to a lunch at a different friend's house. I almost didn't because I have two teenagers and one almost-teenager and the three of them amount to Stasi-level fashion police. If I have a slightly different haircut than usual, it's noted, interrogated and ridiculed. Unsurprisingly they did not take kindly to my blue shirt with birds on it. Not at all. And the trainers were the wrong make and colour. And the jeans were just soooo embarrassing, Daaaad. But that's just kids. You can't dress to impress kids.

Harriet, on the other hand, should have been pleased. She thought my old look was boring. So here I was, not boring. Her wish was my command. Except her response was … muted. Guarded even. Imagine if you mentioned your love of tattoos to your partner. And then that partner went and got a surprise tattoo. And then, when they showed it to you, you realised you'd made a terrible mistake. "I really like the tattoo," you'd say as convincingly as possible. "Is that definitely how you spell greatful?"

That was Harriet's response to my response to her critique of my clothing. "I really like it," she said as convincingly as possible. Walking into the friend's house, I immediately understood she'd been lying. The hosts looked me up and down and started laughing.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

"Midlife crisis?" asked the husband.

"New look," I replied, styling it out.

"I really like it," said the wife as if I'd had greatful tattooed on my forehead. It was then that I started sweating. I don't normally sweat, not this profusely anyway. Embarrassment? No, it was the bird shirt. I hadn't noticed before but now I could feel the material — 70 per cent nylon, 20 per cent alpaca, 10 per cent seal blubber — suffocating me. I wanted to get out of it. I had to get out of it. Is this like women and high heels? Must I suffer for fashion? No. I sidled up to the host and asked to borrow a boring shirt. I changed between courses.

The moral of the story is don't be fooled, fellow ageing gentlemen. There's no wiggle room for us. None at all. You're as old as the clothes you wear. Shirt, chinos, loafers — that's the uniform. Bury the denim at 40. Say no to birds on shirts. Maybe I'll try a tattoo next.


Written by: Matt Rudd
© The Times of London

Save

    Share this article

    Reminder, this is a Premium article and requires a subscription to read.

Latest from Lifestyle

Premium
Lifestyle

'Two small boys left fatherless and their mother cast as a scarlet woman'

20 Jun 10:00 PM
Premium
Lifestyle

Everything Millennial is cool again

20 Jun 06:00 PM
Lifestyle

Lemony bow tie pasta with broccoli and macadamia crunch

20 Jun 05:00 PM

Help for those helping hardest-hit

sponsored
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from Lifestyle

Premium
'Two small boys left fatherless and their mother cast as a scarlet woman'

'Two small boys left fatherless and their mother cast as a scarlet woman'

20 Jun 10:00 PM

The scandalous true-crime murder case that shocked New Zealand.

Premium
Everything Millennial is cool again

Everything Millennial is cool again

20 Jun 06:00 PM
Lemony bow tie pasta with broccoli and macadamia crunch

Lemony bow tie pasta with broccoli and macadamia crunch

20 Jun 05:00 PM
Tauranga couple's 'amazing journey' to parenthood

Tauranga couple's 'amazing journey' to parenthood

20 Jun 05:00 PM
Inside Leigh Hart’s bonkers quest to hand-deliver a SnackaChangi chip to every Kiwi
sponsored

Inside Leigh Hart’s bonkers quest to hand-deliver a SnackaChangi chip to every Kiwi

NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP