From surveys of young people, counsellor Ban Al Gailani says the resounding thing kids want is a listening ear. Photo / Getty Images
From surveys of young people, counsellor Ban Al Gailani says the resounding thing kids want is a listening ear. Photo / Getty Images
Welcome to season two of the Herald's parenting podcast: One Day You'll Thank Me. Join parents and hosts Jenni Mortimer and Rebecca Haszard as they navigate the challenges and triumphs of parenting today with help from experts and well-known mums and dads from across Aotearoa.
New Zealand holds some alarmingstatistics when it comes to mental health among our young people. While our youth suicide rates are among the highest in the OECD, according to the Mental Health Foundation "20 per cent of young people are likely to experience a mental health issue".
On today's episode of One Day You'll Thank Me, host Rebecca Haszard and guest host Damien Venuto learn about the key thing parents can do to foster better mental health outcomes for their tamariki and rangatahi.
Counsellor and team leader at youth helpline 0800 What's Up, Ban Al Gailani, acknowledges there are a lot of issues affecting Kiwi kids.
"From what we hear from our young people, there's a lot that's been going on for them.
"Some examples would be anxiety, depression and loss. Being bullied at school. And then family relationships and peer relationships as well. And that could extend to deliberate self-harm. So there's a lot going on for our young people.
"At the moment we're seeing a lot of stress because of school exams happening."
For any parent, seeing a child impacted by mental health issues is heartbreaking, concerning and often feels incredibly difficult to navigate.
But Gailani says one of the best things a parent can do from early on in their child's life is also one of the most simple.
"Just being there and listening. Having that adult that can listen to them, can provide that safe space for them to talk and just, you know, be there.
"Listen, without actually giving advice or telling them what to do. Instead, offer them [options]: 'Would you like help with that?' or, 'Would you just like to vent and talk about it?'
"Normalising those thoughts and feelings that are going on for them, so they don't feel like, 'Oh, I'm overacting', or, 'I'm doing this for attention'," is crucial, says Gailani, noting these are common ways young people are made to feel when they try to express what they're experiencing.
From surveys of young people who have utilised the What's Up service, Gailani says the resounding thing kids want is someone to listen to them.
Ban Al Gailani is a team leader and counsellor at youth helpline 0800 What's Up. Photo / Supplied
"That's what they've told us, through all the surveys we've done ... they only want that one person in their life to actually hear them out and be there for them. Having that trusted adult in their life that they can go to for support and talk to or vent to ...
"So if every young person has that one person in their life that they're able to connect with in that way, I don't see why young people won't be able to thrive and flourish."
Importantly, in some cases, parents will feel that their child needs help beyond their own listening ear.
Gailani says in these situations, a parent's role becomes that of the connector and support person.
By referring them to a professional in that space, whether through a helpline like What's Up, a therapist or a counsellor who can "help them manoeuvre or talk about these things", a parent's role becomes that of supporting them through their mental health journey.
"The work that you do, counsellors do, or therapists do with young people is nothing if we haven't got that wraparound support. So when you are worried about your young child and refer them on to someone, you're the link between them getting better, by taking them to that person to get some therapy, but also continuing that support at home for them."
To learn more from Ban Al Gailani about supporting children through mental health challenges, listen to today's episode of One Day You'll Thank Me below.
One Day You'll Thank Me is a NZ Herald parenting podcast, with new episodes out on Sundays.
